Numb But Moving
by yoyoente
Summary: Edward left Bella; the one person who was healing her pain, Jacob, shunned her; then, Bella is turned into a vampire. Years later, she runs into the Cullens again, but can they accept each other? She has a new life and many secrets. UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Meeting Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

_**Numb But Moving**_

**Chapter One: Meeting Again**

I stood in the clearing contemplating which way to go next. I knew I couldn't run around forever, but making them hunt for me was my only source of entertainment, especially when they thought they caught me, only for me to escape. I smirked and then scolded myself inwardly for thinking about my emotions, when I did it always led to thinking about what had cut most of them off, the fact that my heart was gone.

I was so busy concentrating on berating myself in my mind that I only noticed the presence of the others when their scent wafted from where they stood, about twenty yards away. I had been so caught up in my mind that I didn't have my guard up, and I had just been thinking about those who were tracking me. What kind of an idiot does that?

Then I recognized them. Every ounce of concentration needed went to my shell; I didn't want them to know anything about me, not them. The younger male with blonde hair looked momentarily puzzled, but then I didn't need to pay attention to his expression anymore.

They must have tried to use their powers on me, my mind was in agony from the voices that were now screaming in my head, and my body quivered slightly at the amount of emotion pooling into me from them. Each and every one of them were confused and shocked, but none more so than the little pixie one, Alice.

_I don't understand, I didn't see this! I didn't see her! I can't see her, it's like she's just not there! Why?! _Alice was as panicky as ever when her visions didn't work.

_Oh my, are her eyes yellow? Does that mean she's just like us? But she seems alone, how could one survive like that without the help of another? _Just like Carlisle to pay attention to detail.

_I can't feel her, I did, she was there thinking hard about something and then just as shocked as we are, but now it's like there's no one standing there. I can feel everyone else, but not her. What's going on?_ Jasper seemed to realize something was wrong, I felt bad blocking him, but I knew they couldn't recognize me, they had already moved on, I didn't want to hurt them.

_The poor dear looks frightened of us, should we greet her? Edward, can you see what she's thinking about? Maybe she wants to meet us!_ Esme sounded like the mother she always wanted to be, I smiled inwardly at her kindness and trust.

_She looks so dirty, I mean it's not like I've had a shower since two days ago, but I never let myself get that bad! I wonder if we can go home soon._ Rosalie, as self-centered as ever.

_Doesn't she…no, she can't be. But she does kind of…Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but doesn't she sort of remind you of Bella?_ Surprise, surprise, Emmett seemed to have hit the nail right on, even if he didn't know it.

_No, no, no, no, NO! I can't hear her mind, and she does look like…NO! It's not possible, she's __**dead**__._ Edward's thoughts didn't make much sense. But the harsh, cold tone he used for the last line hit a small, numb nerve.

Like a switch was hit I could no longer hear or feel them. The coldness with which he thought of me triggered it. I felt my eyes harden to match his inner voice as I slipped into a half crouch. I kept my eyes on each of the Cullens but made sure to check my peripheral for possible escapes. The only problem was, I didn't know if I was fast enough.

For a fraction of a second everything I was seeing seemed to slip into a back part of my mind. What I was focused on now was seeing them chasing me through the forest. Great, a vision. Alice must have tried to see me in her visions and now I was going to have them.

I took a small step back, readying myself to run but the older blonde stepped forward: Carlisle. I stopped, knowing I couldn't turn my back on him; he wasn't the one who made the decision to make me this way. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't any of theirs faults.

I sighed inwardly, raising my eyebrows a fraction. He seemed to still be debating, but took a deep breath. "Hello. My name is Carlisle. We don't want to harm you, but you did give us a scare." He laughed nervously, glancing over his shoulder at his family. "May I ask who you are?"

I knew they would eventually catch me, thanks to the visions I now possessed, there was just too many of them for me to escape easily, so I resigned myself to a game of 20 questions. Straightening slightly I answered with the only thing I could think of: "hello Carlisle, my name is Marie." I knew I wasn't lying exactly, so I didn't feel bad, but I figured using my middle name instead of the name they knew would keep them from realizing the truth.

Carlisle seemed to relax slightly at the fact I didn't appear to want a fight. He took another breath and gestured to the rest of his family, pointing to each in turn. "This is Esme, my wife; Alice and her mate Jasper; Rosalie and her mate Emmett; and Edward. Do you have a family or coven you belong to?"

I opted for the truth, knowing stories and lies could only get increasingly difficult and confusing the more I said. "No, I am and have been alone since my….change."

I could almost hear the whir of thoughts my comment caused, even without using the new gift I had obtained from Edward. Esme was looking like she would like nothing more than to sweep me into her arms, something I wasn't too sure I would have been able to fight against it. Alice had a very familiar, and terrifying, glint in her eyes, meaning she wanted nothing more than to using me as a life size Dress-me-up Sally doll. Carlisle seemed a bit taken aback by my comment, but softened his gaze into something resembling fatherly.

"You are animal drinkers?" It wasn't exactly a question, I already knew the answer and didn't need to ask, but given the fact I wasn't _supposed_ to, made me ask.

"Yes, we are. Do you also? I notice the color of your eyes, but it doesn't really seem like one would be able to all by themselves…" He seemed thoughtful as he asked the one question I knew he would.

"It's not incredibly difficult for me, but I don't venture into the human world very often. I keep on the constant move."

Each pair of eyes watching me widened slightly. I knew anything I would say to them would make me seem either barbaric or pitiable. Each of them had had a home for as long as they knew, they never had to keep moving like me. But, I didn't feel sorry for myself, I knew it was necessary and it was the only thing keeping me sane.

Carlisle looked at his family once more, a question on his face. Each member gave a slight nod except Edward, he seemed to almost have a muscle spasm rather than nod. I raised my eyebrows further, knowing they would understand my question, until Carlisle spoke again. "If you would like, you could join us back at our home for a conversation, perhaps get cleaned up?"

I knew I had been out in the wilderness for a few solid weeks, but I didn't know whether going with them would be the right thing. The idea of a hot bath finally won over caution, Jasper couldn't feel what I was feeling, Edward couldn't hear my thoughts, and if I got really paranoid, I could use both of those gifts I now possessed to find out if they really wanted something else. "If you don't mind my using your bathtub, I think that would be very kind of you."

I followed them back to their new home with a slightly lighter feeling. I now knew I could outrun them if I needed to, even Edward, but that wasn't the only cause. I was with my family again, even if they didn't know it was actually me, and even though they didn't want me, I was still with them for a short time.


	2. Keeping Secrets

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**Chapter Two: Keeping Secrets**

They were kind enough to let me clean up and change before starting our next round of questions, but I knew they would want to discuss and compare what they thought of me. While I was soaking in their tub, Alice bounced into the bathroom with a change of clothes she managed to scrounge up for me. Looking at them as I put them on, I realized they had actually been bought for me, years ago. How ironic.

Dreading the questions that were bound to come, I trudged down the stairs at human speed. They were all down there and all seemed welcoming and friendly except for one, Edward, he had crammed himself into a corner, remaining far more separated from his family then I had ever known him to be. I was not, however, shaken by his cold manner because I presumed it was because I seemed like the human I once was (especially in the same outfit I had worn once) and he was angered by it, but I sent him a questioning look anyways, just to keep up the act of not knowing them.

I took a seat across from Carlisle, knowing most of the questions would be coming from him. "Thank you very much, it felt wonderful to be able to take an actual bath. I really wouldn't want to impose any longer, unless you have any other questions?"

They all seemed a little surprised at the fact I had no intention of staying, except Edward, he seemed…relieved? I guess he really did hate me, I sighed inwardly. Most vampires didn't really enjoy the company of others, but the Cullens had lived as a family for a long time. "I'm sorry, maybe that sounded a little harsh or sudden. It's just I don't think it would be…best for your family if I were to stay any longer than necessary."

Several furrowed brows met my divulgence. They obviously believe me to be a simple lonely vampire; they had no idea that I was being hunted. Carlisle broke the silence, "by best for us…you mean that you're dangerous in some way?"

I couldn't help but smile at his question. "I don't want to cause any of you harm, certainly not after the kindness you've shown me," just how much they would never truly understand, "but to put it plainly, I am being tracked by some other vampires that are none too happy with me. They are extremely focused, so I have no doubt that they would leave you be, but being caught up in a confrontation is something I'm sure you don't want."

Seven set of wide eyes looked at me, I knew all of them were reeling at the idea of little ole' innocent-looking me being hunted by others, but thanks to Alice's visions I knew I didn't have much time. "You're being…tracked?" Alice's voice was no more than squeak, she sounded aghast.

I smiled kindly at her, "yes. They really don't seem to like me, not that I blame them." I chuckled rather darkly only to receive more wide-eyed looks.

"Why? What did you do? What could you have done?" Esme appeared to be struggling with the idea that I was not as cute and innocent as I seemed.

"They don't like some of my actions, or my methods for that matter." I smiled to myself, "I think they're also pretty angry they haven't been able to catch me yet. They've been going at it for _years_." I realized a little too late that I now had their attention and it would be even more difficult to leave quickly. Making a split-second decision, I settled myself further into my soft seat; I would just have to finally have my long-awaited confrontation.

The Cullens didn't seem to be getting over my brief admonishments very quickly, so I let my gaze wander as they collected themselves for more questioning. Jasper leaned forward slightly, looking very confused and yet eager. "Why can't I feel you?"

I had been expecting something along this lines but his wording still made me laugh hysterically inside. I put on a look of slight confusion, "because you're not touching me…?" My tone implying there may be something wrong with his sanity.

He, and the rest of his family, reacted just as I expected. Jasper's eyes widened ever so slightly as if realizing both his mistaken wording and the fact I wouldn't understand the question anyways, while the rest of the family either cracked a smile or laughed. He seemed to recover, "I'm sorry, I should have explained. I can feel and manipulate emotions, but there's nothing coming off of you, it's like you don't exist."

Alice shifted uncomfortably in her seat, obviously she had yet to tell everyone that, according to her visions, I didn't exist. "Oh. I guess you would say that's my power. I have kind of a barrier, for both my mind of my body. I can lift the one surrounding my body but it takes effort. It's nice, it's like I really don't exist sometimes, at least to others."

His eyes widened considerably. I knew this was a formidable gift, I had used it to my advantage quite a lot. "Really…" he barely breathed.

I smiled wide, quite glad my years of solitude had honed my acting skills to perfection. "Would you like to…feel me?" I smothered my laughter at using his way of asking. He nodded eagerly and I could see all seven pairs of eyes on me once again. With a small piece of my mind I lifted the physical barrier. Jasper looked shocked and yet happy to feel my contentment and ease, his smile faltered when he felt the slight pain buried underneath. His power must have gotten stronger in the time I hadn't known them. Another mistake.

I saw Alice's face go blank for a moment and knew the barrier should come back before she saw too much. It was back as soon as I urged it. Jasper looked ready to question my emotions but a gasp from the tiny shop-a-holic caused his and everyone else's eyes to turn her way. I already knew what she had most likely seen, but welcomed the distraction, I looked at her quizzically. She stared at me wide-eyed and slightly frantic before relaying her vision to her family. There was something in her eyes I didn't like: understanding. Suddenly, I wondered exactly how much she saw and what it was.

Certain members of the Volturi were coming to pay Carlisle a visit. They were in the area on business, found the Cullen family's scent, and would be stopping by--in about five minutes. Even while the rest of his family was trying to decide how they felt about this newfound information, Carlisle made sure I understood just who the Volturi were and that they were his old friends. I appreciated being included in the slight panic; it had never been that way when I was a human, they always seemed to assume I would just go along with what they said. I guess you really did have to be a vampire to join this family, not that I could even now.

I sighed, as soon as Aro and his little minions walked through that door they would know anyways, so why not tell them now. I turned to Carlisle and looked at him, my eyes pleading, "I'm really sorry about this, I didn't realize anyone of my kind was in this area. I didn't mean to lead them to you, even if you are their old friends."

I saw confusion on everyone's face, comprehension seemed to spread through Carlisle first and then Edward, obviously reading his thoughts. "You said you were being hunted. You meant by _them_? The _Volturi_? What could you have done that angered them?" He sounded incredulous, unbelieving.

"It wasn't so much what I did to them, as what I did to other vampires that caused them to complain to the Volturi. Then as soon as they found me and realized I could actually escape from them, they wanted me to join them. They've been rather persistent, I didn't realize that after 50 or so years of chasing me, they would still be at it." I looked into their horror-struck faces and added, "I guess things are boring over there in Italy," trying to lighten the mood a little.

I laughed a little nervously, they didn't seem to be taking this so well. Damn, why didn't I use Alice's gift of visions to see how they would take this. Stupid. "What…what did you _do_?" I could tell Emmett was fascinated to know what I did to cause so much anger in the vampire community.

"Um…I'm not exactly sure you would like to know. I mean I know you're curious, but hearing might make you a little wary." They looked at me as if I was slightly incompetent. I sighed again, "Okay, well, after my change I was kind of angry about being a vampire. The one who changed me…well let's just say they didn't do it to let me live a happy forever. I got a taste of battle when I destroyed them. When I began to travel I stayed in the south for a brief period of time." I heard Jasper's intake of breath, I guessed he might know where I was going with this. I laughed nervously again, "while in the south I kind of got caught up in a conflict between to mini vampire armies. They decided I either needed to join one side or die because I was in the way. Well you can imagine I didn't like that idea much, so I fought my way through them. I ended up killing both armies and their 'masters,'" I spit the word.

I now could see a definite look of disbelief on some faces and awe on others. "It seems sort of unrealistic, I know, but you can imagine that with my power I am a little more capable than your average vampire. I was immune to any power attacks that other vampires tried, so it was just hand-on-hand combat in which I had an advantage." At their raised eyebrows I divulged yet more information I wouldn't have otherwise. "I was still a newborn at the start of this whole fight, therefore, I had the strength and speed the surpassed the members of the army, but I had control that a newborn shouldn't have, I didn't rely solely on my instincts.

"I know it still sounds a little crazy, and sometimes I don't believe it myself, but after that…war, I began looking for other vampires creating armies. I especially sought out those vampires that were creating large numbers of newborns to use as their soldiers. Unfortunately most the time I had to…dispose of the newborn soldiers as well, most of them had gotten to the point that their sole purpose of existence was the fight and feed. I was angry that someone could just take away those poor people's lives just to do their own will, so I began to put a stop to it. You can imagine the uproar the other army leaders caused when they realized someone was coming after them. They didn't know who I was, or even if it was an army because there were no survivors, just the news that the wars going on in the next state over had stopped without any real fighting. _Il Demone,_ that's what they started call me." I laughed lightly, remembering.

I looked around, immediately sober. Each face had a mixture of respect, wariness, pity, and some even had anger or fear. Only Alice's face remained unchanged, she still had that look in her eyes and I didn't like not knowing what it meant. "I'm sorry, I'll leave. That was probably a bit much, huh?" I stood up and streaked out the front door at vampire speed, leaving the Cullens looking shocked and confused but locked in place.

I knew as soon as I took my first step outside that I was too late to truly leave unnoticed. I felt their presence just past my visual range. It was unfortunate the Cullens were going to have to see this, but at least I made it outside before anything could get broken in their house.


	3. Return to Feeling

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Three: Return to Feeling **

I just stood where I was, waiting for what felt like an eternity, until the members of the Volturi and the Cullen family all came into view. The minute Demetri caught sight of me he growled. I had caused him much frustration in his efforts to track me. Unless you followed my scent, which was diminished greatly by my protective barrier, you couldn't track me, nothing else worked; handy for me, ripping-out-your-own-hair-in-frustration for them. I smiled at him, actually no, I positively beamed.

"Hello Demetri."

My only true entertainment for the past twenty or so years was my "near escapes" from those tracking me and the battles that came from said encounters. I, of course, pissed the whole lot of them off through teasing and tormenting. What can I say, I was bored. When you're spending eternity by yourself you have to find your kicks somewhere. I found them in the more dangerous aspects of my life.

The next to growl was Felix and Jane. I wasn't sure about Felix, but I knew Jane absolutely loathed me. All of the members of the guard thought me too small a problem for them to deal with…at first. After fives years of being no closer to catching me than when they were sitting on their butts in Italy, I think I registered on a new level of being despised. They, I think, finally recognized me as someone of possible value, but that didn't mean they wanted me joining the guard.

I felt the same way about them, but lack of manners was rude. I settled to smile in their direction as well, which, of course, only caused more growls.

If I hadn't had my own vision warning me ahead of time, I would have been…touched and awed that Aro had actually come along as well. I didn't know whether he had been planning a trip here and it just happened to coincide with this visit, he was getting impatient with their lack of progress, or they called him thinking they were actually close to finding me. I assumed it was one of the first two.

Aro smiled in, what could only be described as, an evil way. "So I see you have something to do with this," he nodded in my direction, "Carlisle. I would have thought you would have known better."

Carlisle seemed about to speak but I cut him off. "I just met them today. Don't go assuming I would have ties with them." I knew it sounded harsh, especially since it came out as a growl, but I didn't want any of the Cullens caught up in a battle that was mine.

"Did you really?" A smiled played on his lips. It seemed like he knew something more than he was letting on. "Would you be willing to prove it?"

I raised an eyebrow, "and how would I be able to do that?"

He lifted his hand slowly as he walked toward me. I had heard of Aro's power. It was something like Edward's except it required physical contact and he was able to see much more. I presumed my mental block would work for him the same way it worked against Edward, Jane, and Demetri, but truthfully, I didn't really care what he saw. I still made a face though.

"Afraid of what I'll see?" Aro almost seemed to be gloating. Wouldn't he be disappointed.

"No, actually it's not you that I'm afraid will see."

He didn't seem to know how to respond to my comment so I just lifted my hand into his. It felt like a mini-explosion had gone off in my head. All these thoughts and images just appeared out of nowhere, but fitting as if they belonged there the entire time. A small part of my brain knew I was still standing there holding Aro's hand with a calm look on my face as his got more upset, but I didn't care. I was reeling in all the information I now had. In what appeared to be a fraction of a second I had successfully jammed every thought Aro had ever had in his three thousand year existence into my own mind.

_What? I can't get anything, no matter how hard I concentrate. Is this the same barrier that blocks Jane's and Demetri's powers? Interesting, very interesting. Imagine the potential…_

We broke hands and my smile increased in size. I had just sifted through the memory of him yelling at his guard more than fifteen years ago about how it couldn't possible be _that_ hard to catch one simple, relatively young vampire. That just made my day.

"Well if appears as though you are immune to my power as well," he said with a sigh. If he had sounded any more dejected I would have almost felt bad. Almost. "I guess I will just have to ask if one of the Cullens were objected to my observing?"

"Of course," Carlisle offered his hand. After a second of touching, Aro withdrew his hand looking thoughtful. He surveyed the Cullens once again and sniffed the air discretely. I suddenly knew what he was doing; he had seen _me_ in Carlisle's memory and was trying to find out if there was another vampire here or even a human. I instantly knew something bad was about to happen, and as if to tell me what, a memory of Aro's flashed in my head:

_"Haven't you gotten her yet?!" He yelled into the little phone in his hand._

_"No, I'm sorry, sir, we cornered her but she managed to escape."_

_Aro let out a roar of frustration. You could almost feel the vampire on the other line of the phone cringe away. "Did you manage to learn anything about her besides what she looks like? What her power is? Anything?!"_

_"Well she seemed to be immune to our powers, it's like she has a protective shield around her."_

_"Jane's power was ineffective?" His voice was a bit sharp._

_The vampire on the other side of the line's voice shook a bit, "yes, sir, mine and Felix's as well. They didn't do anything to this Demon. Or rather, _Bella_," he sneered, "as she called herself."_

I was shocked at what he was about to say and knew I couldn't do anything to stop him. Unless attacking him counted, but attacking him for no feasible reason except that he was about to say something really bad probably wouldn't go over too well with his guard.

"Doesn't this _Marie_ seem a lot like your precious Bella, Edward?"

Edward visibly stiffened at Aro's comment. "No. She's dead."

"Oh? Did you go back and see her funeral and everything? So sad to have the love of your…existence die." Edward was shaking from whatever emotion he was building up. It seemed to be too much for Jasper because he began shaking right along with Edward.

Esme spoke up then, trying to save the situation; Carlisle looked too aghast at Aro's comments to say anything. "Bella died _years_ ago Aro. Not long after we left in fact." Edward stopped shaking immediately. "We were, and are, very sad for her death, but there's no way that this girl is Bella. There was no one to turn her into a vampire! It would be illogical. Besides, she said her name is Marie."

I was careful to keep my face in a politely confused mask as I looked from Aro to each Cullen. Only Alice truly met my gaze. In the moment our eyes locked I knew exactly what it was she saw in her vision and what Aro was going to do next. He was going to cement the fact in the Cullen's heads that I was in fact Isabella Swan.

Let's face it, I panicked. I needed to distract them, and quickly, so growling, I took swift steps toward Aro. Felix and Demetri were immediately by his side growling back. "Oh, shut up!" I snapped at them. They actually looked a little taken aback by the harshness of my voice; normally I was well mannered, if not giddy, when I was around them. "Why are you so concerned about this…Bella was it? I am Marie and if you want to discuss anything further before I leave, I suggest you start talking now." I was glowering at Aro but he just seemed all the more amused.

Jane, however, was not. She stepped directly in front of me and smiled. I snarled and smiled right back. Her expression soured as she glared at me. I laughed, I couldn't help it. "Seriously Jane, you know that won't work on me, I don't know why you keep trying."

She started to walk away but paused. Lifting her head back to me, she said, "I wonder if it will work on the others?" She looked directly at Edward and smiled. Without thinking I was in front of him before she could focus. I was in immediate pain over my action and knew from Jasper's looks that even my barrier couldn't contain this pain. I had just reaffirmed, in my mind, that I did care what happened to Edward because I still loved him. But he didn't love me, he never had. The numbness was gone and the hole in my heart was back, with a vengeance.

Jane looked furious that I blocked her path. Even so, she began bobbing and weaving as if to get around me. With all the pain and frustration with my, something inside me snapped. I looked at Jane, feeling the control of the power she had too often exposed me to asserting itself to me. "Don't. Hurt. People. Not. Involved!" With each word I sent a shock of pain, increasing in intensity, through her brain. Jane lay twitching on the ground, completely stunned.


	4. Secrets Revealed

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Four: Secrets Revealed**

It was not only Jane I had left stunned. Every one of the Cullen family and Volturi members looked shocked. I had just made another mistake, one I had promised myself I never would; I had exposed the most powerful part of my gift: power imitation.

The moment the shock wore off, Felix and Demetri were on top of me. It was obvious they wanted revenge for my attacking Jane, but I thought wanting to talk to me when I couldn't run away also had its play in their actions. I fought back fiercely.

Both vampires were throwing blows from all sides, it took almost all my concentration to stay out of their grasp; acting on the offense wasn't even an option in my current decision. I made a snap decision, they had seen one of my secrets, why not another?

I shot away from them, giving myself an instant for uninterrupted concentration. Immediately the barrier that protected me from physically affecting powers turned tangible. Demetri bounce right back from about a foot away as he lunged for me; Felix did the same before he could register what had happened to his partner. I attacked, taking advantage of their distraction. Planting my foot on Felix's back, I grabbed hold of both his biceps and pulled. A terrible metallic screeching noise met my ears. I was satisfied when I looked at my hands and found both his arms completely separated from his body.

I threw these to the aside and moved to Demetri. Jane had moved over to stand with him, both preparing for defense. I crouched low, ignoring the whimpering that was coming from Felix; he had been badly hurt, but he would heal in a day or so. Spring to the side of Jane, I watch, amused, as they tried to react. I hadn't attacked them, as they had expected me to, but instead moved position for my actual attack. She stood no chance.

Grabbing her by the wrists, I took a perverse sense of satisfaction as I kicked her hard in the chest and pulled. Again the sickening screeching noise cut through the air, silencing any birds that had been complaining for the previous noise. I was fast and I knew that; I used my speed to drop Jane's arms and in almost the same instant jump on Demetri's back.

He let out a sound of surprise and anxiety, some kind of mixture of a yelp and whine. I chuckled darkly, enjoying my superiority for a microsecond, just before I let him suffer the same fate as his fighting partners. The fight was over in what was probably no more than ten seconds. I purred my victory as I strode to Aro.

He looked shocked like the other members of the audience, I winced internally knowing Esme would never look at me the same, but there was something else in his face: excitement and possibly pleasure? I thought I knew what that expression meant: he wanted me to join him and become a powerful member of the Volturi.

As tempting as it was to be somewhere I was wanted, I didn't think I could live with others that weren't the Cullens. It would just be too painful, especially with the numbness, which had been keeping me alive and moving all these years, now gone.

I met the gaze of each of the Cullens, offering a sad and apologetic smile. Emmett and Jasper seemed to immediately forgive me, looking excited at what I could only presume was my fighting technique. Carlisle and Esme met my eyes and nodded in what I guess was their acceptance of my apology. Edward and Rosalie stared at me with hard cold eyes, for once agreeing on something: that I was a threat and had brought possible danger to their family; although it had been expected, it still made me flinch inside at getting that look from Edward.

Only Alice's gaze was what I wasn't expecting. Instead of smiling a tentative smile back and nodded toward me, she absolutely beamed, her eyes sparkling with excitement. I wondered, yet again, just how much that girl had _seen_ in those three seconds. It was ridiculous how calm she was about my secrets being revealed, unless she was just taking it all in stride, but I doubted that because Edward kept giving her glances.

Turning back to Aro I found him smiling widely. I didn't understand him. Finally irritated enough at the mystery of Aro, Alice's visions, and my own excessive revelation of information, I tapped into the power I had gotten from Edward. I was happy when I almost winced at the Cullens' thoughts shouting in my head; it appeared Edward had been trying to read my mind much more than the one time out in the clearing. Alice seemed to be singing "It's a Small World After All" as well as remembering bits of her vision. Damn, her gift must have grown in power like Jasper's, and she was obviously hiding what she had seen.

Aro's mind was cool and calm, and predictably, he was thinking solely about me and the Bella me. He now knew that Bella, the human, was immune to mental powers, or at least Edward's. He also knew that I share some of the same physical features as the human Bella: brown hair, petite frame, heart-shaped face. He seemed to be comparing the human me and the vampire me side by side: as Carlisle saw me and as I was now. I was doomed, _there was no way to get out of this, I should just run while I can._

I decided to hope for the best by distracting him. "What is it you would like with me Aro? Although I do enjoy the occasional rustle and tussle, it does get tedious keeping on the move all the time."

He grinned, there was no other word for it. "Well _Marie_," putting extra stress on my name, "I would like you to come back to Italy with me. Especially after witnessing this battle, I think it would be a great shame if you did not put your talents to work by becoming a member of the Volturi, my family."

Moving up from being a member of the guard to being a member of the actual "family," was he serious? I guess he really did want me to join him in whatever it was he was doing. Unfortunately I didn't want to be a part of anything other than what I used to call family.

"No, I don't think I will. I'm sorry, but I've been alone since my changing and I see no reason to change that." My heart hurt with the statement but I knew no one could replace Edward or his family.

"And if I tell you the price of refusal is a death sentence?"

I quirked my eyebrow at him. "And your justification being?"

"We are no longer part of the human world. I do not need a justification requesting that any who may see you make an attempt on your life." I kept silent, watching him. "Besides, it's not like you haven't done things to deserve it. Your multiple massacres of other vampires without provocation would have made up my mind to destroy you if you weren't so…talented."

I smiled at him, spreading my arms to reveal the damaged vampires behind me. "I wouldn't mind. It would keep the boredom from settling in. Please do."

Aro pouted like a child having his favorite sweet taken away. "I don't know how to persuade you." His tone was almost a whine. Almost instantly, he smiled; I saw an evil glint in his eye as he decided on his next plan. I couldn't hear the plan because he was blocking his thoughts from Edward but I clearly heard _yes, yes, that might just work!_

"Well, if there's nothing else," I said as I turned to leave. I really needed to escape.

I could almost hear the smile in his voice as Aro said the one thing I had been dreading, "Wait, Bella!"

I stiffened, it was a reflex I couldn't help, and knew I had just sealed my doom. Turning around I glared at Aro. "My name is _Marie_!"

But I knew the charade was over, every one of the Cullens' faces (excluding Alice, of course) was a perfect mask of shock, wonder, horror, and maybe a little happiness? No that last emotion must have been my imagination.

They knew, and I didn't need Alice's visions to know there was nothing I could say to change their minds.


	5. Escaping the Pain

**A/N: Hey guys, so this chapter starts changing perspectives, I would have liked to keep it all from Bella's but in order to get everyting I decided not to. Sorry if you hate it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**Chapter Five: Escaping the Pain**

**BPOV**

"Bella…What happened to you?" Of course Alice was the first to speak. Every other member of the Cullen family was too shocked; they all looked rooted to the ground and as if their faces may stay that way.

Their thoughts were all pretty much the same:

_Bella? _That's_ Bella? I would have never guessed. Yeah they look similar, but seriously?_

_Oh my, Bella. Look at how much she's been through. I would have never guessed._

_Oh Bella, we should have never left you. Look at what's happened. I'm so sorry. _Alice's thoughts made me cringe, I couldn't let myself be affected, I knew they didn't really care about me, thinking they did would only hurt me more when the truth hit home. Their sadness had to be guilt for what I had become.

A look of comprehension spread across Jasper's face; obviously he had understood the reason for my pain, despite how much I wish he hadn't. I needed to escape--now.

After a quick death glare directed to Aro, I turned to speak directly to the Cullen family. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find me like this, or at all actually." I smiled, sad and apologetic, feeling the remaining pieces of my heart being shredded. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Then I was running. I turned off the ability to hear thoughts; I didn't think I could stand to hear anything more. Just hearing them call my real name hurt, the façade was over and now I just needed to be somewhere, anywhere, else.

I ran as fast as I could, weaving through the forest and changing directions at times. I knew none of them were good trackers, and I doubted any of them would find me but that didn't prevent me from launching myself into a tree and traveling across their tops, just to stop the little trail I did actually leave behind.

I didn't want to be found. I didn't want their pity, and I didn't want to cause them any pain, even if it was only from guilt. For the first time in over 70 years I felt my heart, even if there wasn't much left of it, and it made me wish for death.

**APOV**

I had seen this. Well, not everything, but most of it. In those three little seconds that Bella lifted her barrier, I had had flashes of everything: the story she would tell us, the Volturi coming, their confrontation with Bella, Jane's mistake, Bella's pain, and, finally the thing that made everything make sense, Bella's identity.

I was shocked that this vampire, _Marie_, was _our_ Bella. What had happened to her after we left? I didn't see her being changed all those years ago and didn't know what that meant. It wasn't like I was trying to look into her future, Edward had specifically banned me from doing so, but something that huge, that life altering I would think would come to me without being called. But it didn't.

I was sad for Bella. I knew the heartache we caused her, I _saw_ that before we left, but I was still a little hurt when she ran away. I wanted my best friend back, I wanted my sister back, but, most of all, I wanted my family back.

**EPOV**

Bella, my Bella. She was here, just in front of me. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever be willing to love me again? She was so different from when she was human, but when her eyes softened and she apologized, I could see it was her.

I stood there frozen, in complete shock of the situation, as she turned tail and ran. She was so fast! I had to admire her at the same time my mind was whirling with questions. Why had she run away? Did she really not love any of us anymore? Was she scared of us? No, she had seemed to believe me all those years ago when I told her I didn't love her, didn't want her; I would never forget that day. And she apologized. Was it possible she still believed what I said that day? Did she hate me now, or was it possible she still cared for me in some way?

I suddenly knew that if there was any way that she still cared for me that I needed to find her. I would willingly crawl on my knees and beg her to take me back, if that's what it took. It broke my heart to know that she had been alone for all these years. How long had she been a vampire? I hadn't seen her in over 70 years; surely it couldn't be that long. But when I saw her new face in my mind once again, I knew she couldn't have been much older than she was when we left. My heart tightened at the thought. I needed to find my love.

I turned my eyes to Carlisle, pleading him to understand. He already had a determined look on his face. _Go Edward. Take your cell phone, but go. We need to find her. _Not waiting for more, I took off.

When I actually paid attention to the faint scent she had, it was similar to when she was human: freesias. I inwardly hit myself for not realizing who she was earlier. Sure she said she was _Marie, _but I should have seen the similarities and known. Unable to change anything now, I just hoped I would be able to find her.

I felt a panic rise in me as I chased after her. She was so fast, faster than me. I didn't know the reason she was running away, but it hurt to know she was running from me.

While I was wondering how I was going to catch up to her, her scent disappeared. I stopped, completely shocked, I didn't know what to do and the panic was starting to take over.


	6. Victoria's Revenge and Death

**A/N: I just wanted to clear this up for any that are a little confused, Bella really only has one power, it's just that it is a complicated power. I will get into explaining it later, but that might be a few chapters from now. I guess for now you'll have to trust me ;) Also, the reason the Cullens don't recognize Bella is because she holds the same kind of features, but she's a vampire, so everything has been perfected, therefore, she looks just different enough (plus they think she's dead) that they don't immediately realize it definately is her. Hope that makes sense! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Six: Victoria's Revenge and Death**

**BPOV**

I kept moving for days. I wasn't thirsty and knew I needed to put as much space between the Cullens and myself.

I did have a few spots where I could stop and hunker down for a few days. You could almost call them _homes_; that is if you call abandoned shacks that have been equipped with the barest of necessities, homes. I headed for one such place.

I hadn't allowed myself to think of anything but what was going on under my feet or in my immediate surroundings -- quite a feat for a vampire -- but now I needed to sit down and think. I needed to decide what I was going to do.

I had forgotten just how much my heartache hurt. I had kept myself numb by letting nothing touch my heart, no true amusement, no true pain. But now that it was back, it reminded me of when he left.

I was useless for a week. Charlie was scared he would have to put me in a mental institution. It was only when my mother, Renee, finally came to remove me to Florida that I snapped out of my semi-catatonic state. I couldn't leave Forks, everything that reminded me of Edward and our time together was there. If I had left I knew I would have eventually convinced myself that it was all a dream, and I didn't want the love of my life to be a dream.

Months of barely being a person led to Charlie once again contemplating "sending" me to Florida. I couldn't have that, so I forced myself to interact with others. Jacob Black came to be a savior. He was a small personal sun in all the darkness that was surrounding me after Edward left.

Unfortunately, it wasn't too long before he got tired of my aversion to being anything but friends. He began ignoring me and when I, finally, practically cornered him, he shunned me. He told me he no longer could be my friend; he was no longer the Jacob I knew.

Heartbroken once again, though not nearly as bad as before, I took my truck out to First Beach. It was a place that held many memories for me. I cried my eyes out sitting on the cold rocks. I didn't want to go back to barely living, being a zombie, but I didn't know how not to without Jacob or Edward by my side.

Darkness fell and it was then I was broken from my own self-pity. A rock tumbled toward me. Startled, I looked up. I was shocked to see the dripping person in front of me, but that soon turned to a feeling of relief. I didn't have to go on in this pain; here was the one person who would enjoy ending it.

I smiled at her, meaning every one of my words. "Hello Victoria. How nice to see you."

An emotion flickered across her face: shock. She took in my appearance: dark shadows under my eyes, dramatic loss of weight, lank unhealthy appearance, and fresh tears still on my cheeks.

"Yes, yes. I do mean that. I presume you would enjoy killing me? I won't stop you." I almost laughed.

She seemed angered by either my appearance or words, I'm not sure which; she hissed. "Did he leave you?! I've been taking my time to fulfill my sweet revenge and he leaves you!" Victoria seemed uncertain for a moment. This caused a bit of panic to course through me.

I begged. "Please…" She looked slightly sick, "please kill me. I just can't take it anymore. It hurts so much without him." Even I flinched inwardly at the pathetic sound of my voice. Seeming to make a decision, Victoria laughed; her face was full of triumph.

A loud growl sounded from behind me. Victoria's head snapped up as the back of my neck prickled. It was those wolves once again--I knew it from that one sound. Maybe _they_ would kill me, if Victoria decided to leave.

Letting out a growl of her own, Victoria, faster than I could see, grabbed me and leapt back into the water. Before I could even take a breath, the wolves on the shore were nothing but little dots. I laughed, slightly manically, in the clutches of the one vampire I knew wanted me dead. I was happy because I didn't know what was waiting for me. Laurent was right: Victoria didn't want to just kill me.

When we hit the shore again I was still laughing. Victoria slapped me—hard—but that only caused me to laugh harder. I think I may have had temporarily lost my sanity, but that didn't matter to me – I was finally going to be released from all this pain.

Victoria grabbed the front of my shirt, putting her face inches from mine. "This isn't funny!" I only giggled harder.

Obviously disgusted, she let me go again. Turning her back on me for a moment, she seemed to think. When she looked back at me, there was a glint in her eye telling me that what she did next would be painful. I didn't care, I didn't think anything could be more painful than the emotional pain I was in, and I was right.

After breaking both my legs and getting nothing more from me than a slight gasp, Victoria seemed to rethink her torture methods. Changing her tactics she bit my hand, perfectly mirroring the bite mark her mate had given me on my other one. She was careful not to taste any of my blood and seemed to not be breathing; obviously she wanted to watch me suffer slowly, not taking any chances that she may lose control and suck me dry.

I was horrified when I realized she meant not to kill me. I would have to spend forever in this kind of emotional pain?

When I begged her to kill me, she seemed to have seen it as a sign that the venom spreading throughout my body was painful. She smiled sadistically and continued to bite me, injecting more venom at regular intervals.

The transformation _had _been painful, but it was nothing to the empty feeling in my chest. I had focused on the physical pain in hopes it would diminish the hold the emotional pain had on me, but all it did was let me know exactly what was going on.

I had realized it wasn't a fire that was settling through my body, it was ice. The chill of the venom was so cold it burned. I had felt like I had had liquid nitrogen injected into my veins and then everything was being broken, only to be reconstructed into perfection.

Whenever I would drift towards unconsciousness, Victoria would either slap me or bite me once again. I didn't scream as much as she had been expecting or hoping, because by the second day her biting had become more frequent.

As the second day came to a close I began to feel something shutting down in my mind besides my consciousness. I guessed that my mind had been overloaded with the pain I was suffering both physically and emotionally, because it seemed to shut something down.

When Victoria had slapped me awake, I felt no pain. I don't mean physically, that pain was still there, although it had a certain distant feeling to it, as if it was someone else's pain. No what I meant was there was not emotional pain. Actually, there was no emotion. I knew I should hate Victoria for what she had done to me, I knew I should be upset for what had happened over the last many months, but I didn't feel anything like that. I just felt, well, numb.

My transformation had come to an end with Victoria standing eagerly over me. I had known she was planning something, probably involving more torture, but I had wanted to leave and I didn't care whether that involved killing her or not.

It was obvious she was going to refuse me leaving when I sat up. She leapt at me, probably thinking she would enjoy tearing me limb from limb, but I had the upper hand. I twisted out of her grasp, taking an arm with me.

I had been rather surprised when I looked at the lone appendage in my hand. I hadn't even meant to take that with me, but apparently newborn strength was what the Cullens had described. When Victoria lunged for me again, I very smoothly took off her head, almost businesslike. Deciding it would be better for the world if she didn't return, I had burned her pieces, enjoying the warmth of the flames.

From the burning in the back of my throat I knew I had to hunt. After scouring the nearby forest for animal life, I was surprised when I felt some new huntress instincts taking control. I killed my prey quickly, drinking its blood slowly, thoroughly enjoying the sensation. I had known then that I was a monster and although I was numb, I still didn't want to exist like that, alone and forever.

I started from my meditation position. I knew at least one day had passed since I began reliving my transformation in my head. It was strange to think of my period of no feeling, now knowing how I would have felt in the situation if I hadn't been so numb.

I had been reminded once again for the reason I had begun fighting. I did enjoy the battles, in a way, but the main reason I fought was because I had a strong hope that I would eventually come across the one that would beat me; then my eternity would end.


	7. She's Free!

**A/N:** This chapter is the calm before the storm. I hope it makes sense and you don't hate me too much for leaving a lot of questions unanswered. :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Seven: She's Free!**

**BPOV**

I took deep, unnecessary breaths. I felt myself nearing the point of hysterics. The burning crater in my chest was causing me to react oddly. I knew crying would do no good; I knew nothing would get rid of the pain, but that didn't stop my sobs or the panic I felt when I realized I would never again be able to produce the tears that would help release my pain.

I could feel myself retreating into what felt like unconsciousness. Logically, I knew that was impossible for a vampire, but I was grateful for the escape.

As I nestled into a far corner of my mind, I watched as another part of me stood myself up. I knew I should have felt worried about the fact that I was splitting my consciousness in a way, but I would take anything to get away from the pain. And by being stuck in the corner of my mind I _could_ still feel the pain, but it was dulled and felt far away.

I sat back and watched the show as my body seemed to move out of the shack on its own.

**EPOV**

My breath was coming in short gasps as the panic came over me. The hyperventilation reminded me of when the same thing would happen to Bella, which only caused more trouble in my attempt to gain control. I knew in some part of my brain that I needed to calm down or I wouldn't be able to do anything useful.

I had been following Bella's trail for an hour or so before it disappeared. I tried to calm myself by thinking logically. How would she make her scent disappear? Unless it was a special kind of power, there must be a logical answer. My breathing slowed back to a quick, but steady rate as I thought.

Going underground could do it, but was unlikely seeing as the ground looked undisturbed. She may have doubled back and went in a different direction, but I hadn't smelt any fork in her trail. I looked up at the sky trying hard to puzzle to keep my sanity.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. All the breath whooshed out of me before I climbed the tree closest to me. There was nothing there, but that didn't mean much. When I jumped to the next tree over I thought I smelt a faint something of her.

Excited, I tried to follow her trail once again before I realized it was impossible. I would never be able to catch up to her if she continued moving in this way. For every tree I came across with a bit of her scent there was another four or five I had to jump into that held nothing.

Defeated and depressed I did the only thing I could. I called for advice. I rang Carlisle, who answered before the first ring ended.

"Did you find her?" His voice was anxious.

"No…" I said low, "I followed her trail but she took to the treetops. I can't follow it from there, there's too much possibility in where she leapt to."

I heard an appreciative chuckled in the background followed by, "That's what she's done to us a thousand times…you'll never catch her by chasing her." Demetri. He sounded almost fond of her, which surprised me, considering the fight they had had hours previously and the way he had treated her.

Jealousy got the better of me and I growled before Carlisle answered over the continued chuckles. "Well there's probably nothing you can do from there. Come home and we can work out how to find her. Maybe our guests can enlighten us further on Bella and her movements." I heard another chuckle in the background.

Resisting the urge to growl yet again, I instead answered, "alright Carlisle. I should be home soon."

I snapped the little phone shut and headed away from my beloved, wishing I had her wish me.

**JPOV**

I walked towards my wife. Things bothered me about the situation we had just faced, more than the fact that Marie was in fact Bella.

Upon finding the adorable pixie, I took her out of hearing distance of the rest of the vampires in the area, thankful that Edward wasn't there to read my mind.

"Alice, besides that vision before the Volturi arrived, were you able to see into Bella's future at all?" If she had, it meant Bella had lowered her barrier for physical powers for some reason and that would explain what I had felt from her. If not, even I didn't know what it meant.

My wife looked at me curiously before answering. "No, that was the only time, although I did see quite a bit." She smiled apologetically, asking without words for forgiveness that I had not been filled in. I smiled in return before pulling my eyebrows together in confusion and concentration. "What is it Jazz?"

I smiled slightly, but my face stayed troubled. "It's just, I don't know what it means. I couldn't feel anything from her – at all – and then right before she had Jane on the ground, I felt this immense pain. But it was odd. It was like I was feeling it from a distance, like it was muffled somehow." I looked into Alice's beautiful, worried eyes, "I think I was feeling Bella's pain. But I don't know how that's possible if she has that special barrier that blocks my powers."

Alice looked momentarily horror-struck as she processed this new information before turning and smiling sadly. "I think maybe you're right about it being Bella's pain."

"But if she can block my power, how could I feel it?"

Her eyes looked sad as she turned to me and said, "maybe it's because she was in so much pain that she couldn't contain it, even in that barrier."

The idea horrified me; I knew that if my wife was correct then Bella was in infinitely more pain than I had actually felt.

Alice pulled me out of my thoughts by a light kiss on the cheek. "Edward should be home relatively soon, we should go inside and you should concentrate on something else so he doesn't find out." I knew she was right, knowing Bella was in pain would do nothing but upset Edward and possibly make him all that more rash.

Edward arrived home not too long after my discussion with Alice. I was unsuccessful in maneuvering my thoughts away from Bella's pain – it was just too unbelievable for me – so I took to singing random songs in my head.

Before sitting down, Edward surveyed the room, smirking slightly at the three healing vampires lying on the floor. I felt a pang of jealous from him that I couldn't possibly understand when he looked over Demetri.

"So let's talk," was all he said before stepping pointedly over Demetri and sitting on the couch.

No one seemed keen on starting so I decided I would. "How long have you been tracking Bella?" I directed the question to the guard members in general, not particularly caring who answered.

Felix snorted causing eyebrows to rise on each of my family members' faces, as well as Aro's. Demetri quickly explained, "We haven't really tracked her, more liked chased after leads and happened upon her." He laughed nervously.

The eyebrows rose further as Aro's eyes narrowed. I could feel Demetri's panic building, so I sent a soothing wave of calm his direction. He relaxed and continued. "I can't use my gift to track her and she's so sneaky!" Waves of affection started rolling off of him, causing me to wonder if he really liked Bella. "You saw how she works. She's incredibly fast and intelligent. She's tricky. You saw." He looked at Edward. "She's done that to us tons of time. Anytime we'd come close to her, she'd either stay for a brief tussle," Edward growled at the insinuation, "or run away immediately. When she really didn't want to be caught she'd just seem to disappear: taking to the treetops or the ocean. It's really amazing how well she can escape us." His voice sounded impressed but I could feel the underlying adoration coming from him. Yes, he did like Bella.

"That's fascinating," Edward snapped, "but how _long_ have you been trying to catch her, or whatever it is you've been trying to do?"

Demetri eyed him before continuing. "She first started her attacks on the vampire covens about 70 years ago, maybe a bit earlier, but we didn't hear anything about it for a year or so…"

"So you've been tracking her for 70 years, and you haven't ever caught her?!" Emmett seemed incredulous.

"Let me finish. We, the Volturi, decided to ignore it at first. We figured one of the groups would take care of the problem themselves and it wasn't so bad to have less of a chance that a newborn would go on a massacre and expose us. But after about five years or so of continuous complaints from terrified vampires, we had to appear to do _something_. Felix and I were sent to see if we could track down whoever it was that was causing all the ruckus. Believe me when I say we definitely didn't believe who it was when we found out.

"Neither of us realized how powerful she was and underestimated her. She escaped us easily. Sometimes I wonder if she hasn't just been playing with us this whole time just for her entertainment." He received a sharp look from Aro that softened into something similar to wondering.

"So 65 years, huh? How long did it take to figure out it was her?" Emmett seemed to be especially interested in how long Bella had remained elusive to the Volturi, I could sense of form of pride coming from him. Interesting…Emmett was proud of his baby sister.

"Well…" Demetri shifted uncomfortably.

Felix saved him. "No. We started looking for her about 65 years ago, but it took us a good ten before we even knew who was doing the attacks. There were never any survivors, at least none came forward, so we had no description to go on. The only reason we found her was because we stumbled on the end of one of her battles. She's fierce, let me tell you that. I agree with Demetri, I had always wondered if she was just toying with us, and after today, I think it's been confirmed. She could have killed us long ago if she had really wanted to. It's not a nice feeling." He frowned, probably a little confused about how honest he was being. I wasn't about to tell him I had helped him along with a nice healthy wave of honesty.

"So if you can't track her well, how did you ever come across her? Is there a way we can find her?" Carlisle asked the most important question.

Demetri shifted uncomfortably again. "Well, going along with the idea that she's been playing with us, sometimes I thought it was _her_ that found _us_. Mostly we would just be going around checking on different larger covens or armies we knew about and we would happen upon her between two. She was always so well-mannered and kind, so different than she was today." He frowned again, obviously pondering on her mood change.

"So basically you're telling me you have no way to find her?" Edward seemed exacerbated.

Demetri looked away from him, "no, not any sure way."

I could feel Edward's anger and frustration building and decided to intercede before he did anything he would regret. "Aro," I addressed him formally, "are you planning on continuing your search for Bella? If so, does that mean you plan on punishing her in some way? Because it doesn't really seem like she wants to accept your offer."

He thought for a minute and Edward seemed to feel slightly elated, probably in reaction to Aro's thoughts. "I think I may need to bring these," he waved his hand at the members of his guard, "home. I see no real need to dispose of her, she seems only bent on destroying those that are creating newborn armies, which, incidentally, if she hadn't started we were going to have to do anyway. They were really getting out of hand."

**A/N:** Cackles madly


	8. Suicidal

**A/N:** I'm sorry! It's REALLY short, but I've started this story (which is awesome by the way) called **_Hunted_** and my mind is seeming to stick with that story line instead of this one...SORRY!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Eight: Suicidal**

**EPOV**

My heart soared. Even if Bella wasn't in love with me, the Volturi were no longer after her. She would still be alive for me to try and rekindle any possible feelings she might have for me.

Another bonus was that Demetri was forced into going back to Italy, so there was no chance for him to court her. That thought made me slightly smug.

We didn't know how to find Bella, but the guard did have the useful suggestion of heading south and keeping our ears open for fighting. That's the only way they had ever come across her. It wasn't much, but it _was _something.

As per their instructions, my family and I headed south. We knew it would be a long and difficult job finding Bella, but we loved her enough.

Thinking back over what she had told us and what the Volturi had confirmed, it shocked both me and my family greatly. No one, however, was as stunned as Jasper. He had lived in the south, commanding a newborn army before finding Alice and then us. He knew how difficult it must have been to destroy one, let alone multiple armies. But after what we had witnessed of Bella's fight with the Volturi guard, he deemed it plausible.

**APOV**

Bella, Bella, oh Bella! I was so excited that we had seen Bella. I knew she had been through a lot, just the story she had told us was amazing, and she didn't even include what had happened to her before she was changed or who had changed her.

She wasn't with us now, but I had a feeling that we would find her soon. I couldn't see it of course, but that didn't mean I couldn't trust my spidey senses.

Edward was happier than I had seen him since we had left Forks, even if there was the chance that she didn't love him anymore. But from what Jasper had said about her being in pain, I think she still does.

When we reach the south, we decided that I would look into the future for any possible fighting between vampires. Even though I can't see her, if there was fighting activity she might go there to destroy the armies. It made sense and it was our best chance.

**BPOV**

I watched as my body raced through the forests. From the direction I was going I had an idea as to what would happen, I just wasn't sure what the point was. The most important question on my mind though, was exactly _what_ was controlling my body? I knew I could move forward in my mind again to take control, but for now my theory was the thing I called 'the monster' was what was controlling my body.

It made sense to me. It was a part of me that I rarely let come forward, except during my hunts, and now that I had retreated into the back of my mind, relinquishing control, 'the monster' had eagerly stepped forward.

The only surprising thing was that whatever was controlling my body had no trouble ignoring the presence of humans, no matter how thirsty it made me. It was almost as if my body was on a mission, and I guess it could have been called that. I was headed south.

My surroundings shimmered slightly as I realized I was having another vision. Obviously this was one power you couldn't just turn off. The armies in the south would be merging together to fight me. I hadn't attacked in almost a year and it must be making them edgy.

I grinned involuntarily as I realized what the armies were planning on doing and what my body's goal was. I had no objection. I was headed to the most likely thing to end my suffering: a massive army of vampires looking for nothing more than my death. I just needed to make it easier to find me.


	9. Anger Hurts Less Than The Pain

**A/N:** So I've been writing this other story that has kept most of my focus...so...I'M SORRY! (bows down begging) I realize it's been a while since I've updated but I promise (I hope) that the updates should come quicker, 'cause now I have the story planned out! Same with my other story, which you should check out by the way. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)...Anyway! This chapter is a bit more background on Bella, it's all from her POV and is very much a narration. I'm sorry for those that were like "MOVE ON WITH THE STORY!" but I will! Promise! I just had to do this first...it's important, really...trust me...you'll see! :) Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Nine: Anger Hurts Less Than The Pain**

**BPOV**

As I headed south I became ruthless; or, rather, my body, being driven by the monster, was an unforgiving, unsympathetic killer. Any vampire I came across that drank human blood, I killed. It was simple; even those that had lived for hundreds of years, all of who's lives I could see through Aro's gift, they were no chance for my natural skill and unnatural gifts.

The only talent I actually used in battle was the one that was almost completely unconscious: my physical shield. I received the gift from the first vampire I had met after my transformation – besides Victoria – and had been using it for so long it just felt natural. The vampire had been intrigued by my ability to absorb his power, so interested in fact, that we had tested it. We discovered that the more he tried to use it against me, the stronger and more controlled _my _barrier became.

At the point I was at now, I could put my barrier up so close to my body, that even if someone has a hold of me, it will be put up between them and myself, like a second skin. Being able to expand my shield by will, I have the ability throw anyone that has actually managed to grab a hold of me, off. It's a convenient gift and soon became instinctual in battle. Unless I try very hard, when I fight I _always_ have my barrier up, mere millimeters from my skin, so no one can actually grab onto or damage me in any way.

The ability is convenient for survival, especially with its lack of needed thought, but when you're a vampire bent on trying to die in a fight, it makes things difficult. Not that I would ever just lie down and let them tear me to pieces. Even with seeking my death actively, I guess my instinctual will to live is too ingrained, so much so, that whenever I jump into fight, if I don't actively think, my body will move and defend on its own. Ironic that I seemed to have no self-preservation as a human, yet I can't get myself to commit assisted-suicide. I must be a masochist.

I smiled from the back corner of my mind as I watched the young vampire run away. Just because I couldn't actively assist others in my death, didn't mean I couldn't die, at least that's what I hoped. I knew that the message was now sent, that the armies I had seen rallying together to form one massive army to stand against me would now know to prepare, and for the first time I was slightly happy. Of course there was that same distant pain, but there was also the overwhelming hope and tentative relief that it would soon be over.

I sat next to the mini bonfire I had concocted that was giving off heavily perfumed smoke: my victory fire. I forced myself to sit, Indian style, and meditate; my body needed to cool down and relax after my fight, and I hadn't hunted in quite some time, so relaxing my body would help get myself under control.

I was in the middle of the forest, not a human around for miles, so I didn't have to worry about any chance of exposure, and after years of playing hide and seek, my physical barrier automatically formed around me, preventing any surprise attacks while I sit, unawares. I did wonder briefly whether to let that barrier down and hope some other vampire did come along, but my need for dramatics prevented me, I guess that was just one thing I shared in common – besides this damned existence – with Edward.

Edward. That name did amazing things to both my mind and body. I could feel the reactions of love, hurt, rejection, unworthiness, and just plain pain wash through me. I had been numb for so long I had almost forgotten what this kind of feeling was like. Almost.

My un-life had been relatively meaningless, but at least I hadn't been in constant unchangeable pain. One would think after 70 plus years without him, numb or not, that I would have gotten over him a little, that the hole inside my chest where my heart used to be would have healed at least some, but I hadn't, it hadn't. I was the exact same as I had been just after he had left me, save the fact I couldn't actually kill myself anymore, and I didn't have _anyone._ No Charlie. No Renee. No Jacob.

Jacob. That name stirred a brief amount of emotion. He _had_ stopped the gaping wound in my chest from gushing what was left of my soul out, but he had left me. I couldn't offer him my heart and he had shunned me just like Edward had.

It's horrible, yet almost funny, that the only memories I have of my human life are either with the Cullens or of those months after Edward had left and before Victoria had come. I now knew without a doubt that my mind was a masochist. It must be the only way to punish myself for ever thinking that I had a chance with the godlike creature named Edward, or that I could ever just remain friends and depend on the cheerful sun named Jacob.

I was wrong, I'm not the exact same as when he had left me, I now have my bitterness. I know it never made sense for him to love me – I was just a measly human. I wasn't even that pretty, with my plain brown eyes and hair. It had never made sense.

But why then? Why, if he had never loved me, did he pretend he did? Was it just some sort of game for him that he played from town to town? No, that was wrong. I couldn't think that, even without him ever loving me I couldn't blame him. It was probably just a strange fascination he had had with me, the one mystery that he couldn't solve.

I knew I couldn't really blame Edward for anything, the small remnants of what used to be my heart wouldn't let me, but that only made me angrier. Angrier at him, for what he had made me believe; at myself for ever thinking I could actually be with someone like him and then for being so naïve to have fallen in love with him; and at the rest of the Cullens, they had been mostly uninvolved, but a little warning would have been nice. Especially from Alice, all of her leading happily-ever-after promises and what she had called a friendship, only led to more heartbreak. All of the family, save Rosalie – who I was feeling oddly grateful to – had made me believe that I could actually join them; that I _had_ been a part of their family, but really I had never been more than a pet.

No fuming, I was pulled out of my train of thought by a vision. My body's lips curved, involuntarily, into a triumphant smile. The little messenger I had sent would put everything into play. It wouldn't be long – I'd give them another day or so of preparation before I pounced. Maybe I would even warn them of that, playing a bit of a cat and mouse game.

As I stood, something felt quite different. My consciousness wasn't tucked back into the farthest corner of my mind. Instead, I was close to the front, almost controlling everything, but I didn't want to step forward all the way yet, I'd wait until when it really mattered to do that. My anger had pushed away or overshadowed most of my pain, it was a relief and I went with it.


	10. Plans and Preparation

**A/N:** _FINALLY!! _So I tried ALL DAY to upload this friggin' chapter yesterday, but nooooo the website just wouldn't let me. Anyway...for those that haven't read any of my other words in progress, I have this wonderful problem (sense the sarcasm) where when I concentrate and try really hard on writing a new chapter for a specific fic an idea for a whole new fic or new chapter for one of my OTHER fics pops into my head instead. After like five days of trying REALLY hard to write a new chapter for this one and _Hunted_ and only coming up with other ideas I said "FINE! I'll write it damnit!" and so I did...that was how _Abadoned_ came about.

ALSO! IMPORTANT! If this chapter seems a little rushed, I'm sorry. I just didn't really want to stretch it out and it's not all that important to go into details about that time...so I hopes it's okay...yeah? Anyway, READ ON!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Ten: Plans and Preparation**

**EPOV**

My family had arrived in the south. It was just as uncomfortable and unsettling as I had thought it would be, but I would do _anything_ for Bella. We had rented a house in northern Texas and, unfortunately, were only able leave it during the night.

It had been five days since Bella ran away from me and we have found no leads as to her location. We knew that this kind of thing could take years. Just look at the Volturi, it took them over five years just to know _who_ it was that was killing all the vampires in the south. But we had still hoped.

During our nights we had been roaming the area looking for those small armies of vampires battling against themselves. We had yet to find any though, which Jasper had thought was strange. Alice had planned to use her visions to lead us, but they were no more help than just physically searching the immediate area. This evening seemed to have no more promise than the others, so my spirits were not particularly high.

To my surprise, we finally found our stream of luck. I got a call from Alice telling me that Emmett and Rosalie were soon going to run into a rather large group of vampires. I quickly headed in that direction, hoping beyond hope that the group would hold news of new massacres – as odd as that sounds.

Sure enough, the group of vampires was exactly the kind we were looking for. They were able to tell us that 'The Demon' was in fact back. She had killed a coven of vampires in South Carolina but accidentally left one alive. He was a young vampire and had run to the larger armies in the south to warn them. Now the armies were joining together. They had a common enemy and chose to put aside difference to work side by side.

The young vampire boy had been able to spread the news of the petite brunette Demon, which turned out to be good fortune for us as well.

Rumors had been spread in the south that 'The Demon' was a woman. So when the killing had started again a few days prior that vampires in the area went into a panic. Most covens ordered their members to dispose of any strange or new female vampire without questions. Now that they new a better description they were a bit more limited in their executions.

The coven told us where they were headed and offered for us to travel along with them. We declined politely, wishing to be able to plan without having those wishing for Bella's death close by.

**BPOV**

I kept moving southwest, knowing I would have to go there for my fight. Coven after coven I came across, I killed. I had actually managed to run into a coven of "vegetarian" vampires. They were just as warm and welcome as the Cullens, happy to let me stay and get refreshed but I fled quickly, leaving them alone. Their kindness hurt me because it wore down the anger that numbed the pain.

After four straight days of killing every vampire in sight, – save those on the "vegetarian" diet – I decided I had had enough. I purposefully ran into a coven that was moving in the same direction I was. By the fact that they attacked me as soon as I came into view, I guessed they were moving to join the force against me, an extra plus.

Killing them was just as easy as all the rest of the covens, only this time I left one alive, again. The vampire looked to have been about my age when he had been changed. He appeared rather new to the life, but old enough to have a moderate amount of control.

He seemed slightly afraid as I stood before him, but made no move to either attack of run away.

"You'll deliver a message for me." I stated sounding bored. I knew if he was truly to join the force against me he would tell them my every move and word spoken so I had no worry that my message would go undelivered. He nodded, looking slightly excited. "I know they're building an army against me. I'm looking forward to it. I wish for you to tell them a location and time for a fight. I know they will probably appreciate being ready rather than me just jumping in and surprising them." I chuckled lightly as I glanced at the burning pile of vampire appendages. "Understand?"

The young vampire nodded his head once again and then spoke. "I could join you, you know." I cocked my head to the side slightly, trying to understand what he was saying. He seemed to understand my confusion because he continued. "I never liked this life, but there were so many of them that I couldn't leave without them destroying me. I could join you, fight them. I'd love to get rid of all those that turn people into vampires. I don't want to be a monster." He added the last part quietly.

I laughed without humor, knowing he was being honest. I shook my head, keeping a slight smile on my face. "No. I'm sorry but I don't need you and you would only get hurt. I _would_ appreciate it if you delivered my message though. As for not being a monster, I understand. I don't want to be a monster either. Did you know there is another way to exist besides feeding off humans?"

His eyes grew wide, showing he had obviously not been told of such a way. "If you drink animal blood rather than that of a human you can still survive. You will have golden colored eyes rather than red as well, making living among humans possible. It can be difficult, especially in the first years, because one must learn to control their bloodlust, but if you think that is a choice you would like to make, there is a coven of vampires to the north and east of here in Georgia that live off of that diet. I'm sure they would be happy to help you make that transition if you spoke with them."

The young vampire looked at me as if I had given him the world. When he left to deliver the time and location of my fight, he had a skip in his step. I smiled and shook my head, then decided to meditate once more to pass the time before my – hopefully – final fight.

**EPOV**

We had a plan. It wasn't a very good one but it was the best we could come up with under the circumstances. The first part of the plan, however, was to convince those armies involved that we meant no harm and were purely curious about the situation. Not an easy feat.

As soon as my family and I arrived at the location the armies planning to join the rally were supposed to go, we were surrounded by other vampires. They obviously didn't want to take any chances of others joining "The Demon's" cause while pretending to be soldiers for them. We were taken to another vampire, a female that was obviously the leader of one of the larger groups. She seemed intrigued by our appearance, especially considering our diet but listened as Carlisle explained our predicament.

"We've been hearing rumors of a vampire killing others of our kind. It seemed very odd and we were curious. I personally know members of more than one coven in the North that are concerned "The Demon", as you call her, will choose to go in that direction. We came to investigate the situation and see if there is any reason to worry for our own safety." Carlisle kept a reasonable tone with just a hint of worry in it. Perfect for what he was saying and by the thoughts of the female, she believed him.

"Of course anyone would be concerned for their safety with that sorry excuse for a vampire running around. Feel free to stay and join our cause if you wish."

Carlisle grimaced slightly at her offer. "If you wouldn't mind too much, would it be alright for my family and I to only remain and observe for a short while, rather than actually join? We aren't much for fighting, but are interested in your methods."

She was not particularly pleased with the fact we did not want to join in her cause, but understood our reasoning. She agreed and with that the first part of our plan was in progress.

**APOV**

On our second day with the army I had a vision of a young male vampire coming with a message from Bella. The message was regarding a time and place for a fight, so I quickly warned Edward.

He agreed to stay on guard for any thoughts regarding any sort of message. It was because of that, that we immediately knew what was going on when the army went into an uproar. Unfortunately, though the female leader allowed us to stay, she also distanced us from her actual army. Without being close and with so many vampires in the group, Edward couldn't distinguish any single thought enough to find out where the messenger had been sent from or what time the battle would commence. He did, luckily, discover the place.

**EPOV**

I was furious.

I could not identify where it was Bella had been spotted last, or even when the fight would take place. That had been the one thing I had been hoping I would be able to do. If we knew where she was coming from it would be all the more reasonable that we would be able to intercept her before she made it on to the battlefield. But now, without knowing, we would just have to trust our luck and hope for the best. My heart hurt when I thought of the fact that I might not ever be able to fully explain why I had done what I did to my angel.

**BPOV**

These vampires had no manners. I sent the message yesterday and the fight would commence tonight, yet here were these insolent adolescent vampires that were coming from where the rest of the army was in hopes they would destroy me before the battle and gain all the glory.

I hissed in aggravation before quickly dismembering and burning them. They were making me pause to kill them which required me to increase my pace in order to arrive at the fight I had scheduled, on time, and it irritated me.

By the time I reached where I could see the armies joined I was fuming. It was pitch black outside, thanks to the late hour and storm clouds overhead, but I could see perfectly fine. It also helped that they were such a massive body.

I sprinted to the edge of the field I had designated as the battle arena, opposite the army. I knew I surprised most by my sudden appearance by the fact most become statue-like before continuing to move. Hearing the cat calls and rude comments coming from the large group of vampires only increased my irritation. Couldn't they just show up, shut up, and fight? No, of course not, because they were the scum of the vampire world. My determination increased and my face set as I made the decision to kill every last one of them, my own demise could wait until a later time.

...

**A/N:** Don't hurt me...it's a cliffie.


	11. She'll Win?

**A/N:** Yay! New update! I wanted to get this out there, but uh...don't hurt me...'cause...it's...another...cliffie?...I SWEAR I will have the rest out tomorrow...promise...just don't...hurt me... :) Hope you enjoy!!

**Dislaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Eleven: She'll Win?**

**EPOV**

The female vampire leader we had spoken with before remained understanding at our reasons to not fight, fortunately. But she did ask that we remain out of the way of the fight that would be taking place, for our own safety. We chose to follow and yet not follow her advice. So there we were, standing near the top of a hill, watching the field below where the fight was supposed to take place.

Bella was coming and planned to fight. My sweet innocent Bella was no longer completely innocent; she had killed so many other vampires, causing a massive force to rally against her. I didn't blame her for her actions. In fact, if I was as reckless, self sacrificing, and powerful as she, then I would probably attempt to rid the world of all those bloodthirsty vampires that believed their soul reason for being was to feed off innocent humans or create an army of newborns to fight off any possible threat to their feeding grounds.

It wasn't until the sun had already set that I finally got a clear train of thought regarding the situation at hand.

_Bitch sent a messenger. Like she can just call us all to her, like we're her minions. Ha! We'll show her, definitely, we have more than one person with extra gifts. We'll tear her limb from limb and dance around her ashes. Just till midnight, that's all I have to wait. Then I'll make sure I'm one of those to sink my teeth into her._

I could hear the smile in the mental voice of the vampire somewhere down in the field below me. I let out a roar of fury, beyond angry that someone, anyone, would talk about my lovely Bella in such a way.

I knew by looking at the numbers in front of me that there was no chance my Bella would come out unharmed or – I cringed at even the thought – at all, if she were to throw herself into a battle with them. I had seen the ease with which she had taken care of the Volturi guard, but I also knew that there had only been three against her and they all had probably been ordered to do her no permanent damage, so it would have been an uneven match from the beginning. Also, there was the fact that Bella did nothing more than immobilize the guard. In this kind of battle she would actually have to dismember and burn all of her enemies, or they would just heal and rally against her again. I had heard the story from both Bella's and the Volturi member's mouths about her massacres, but I still scoffed at the idea of Bella actually being able to viciously kill anyone – even the bloodthirsty vampires before me.

Lost in me own thoughts, I didn't notice the quick passing of time until Alice nudged me. Her face was tight with worry because she couldn't _see_ the results of the battle. Actually no, that was wrong, she was upset because she couldn't see _where_ Bella was coming from. The plan was to grab Bella before she came in sight of the battle waiting for her, and run. No one besides the messenger knew exactly what she looked like, so it wasn't like they would be able to hunt her down successfully. That meant if we could get Bella before she did anything too dangerous, then we could live happily in the North, away from all this conflict.

I looked down at my own watch to see it was only a half hour until she was supposed to arrive. My nerves were completely shot by now. My eyes and mind were both searching for any tell of where she would be. I couldn't stand losing her, not now. Not when I knew I could spend eternity with her, if she'd have me. I had lived for too many years, empty and lost, thinking that the love of my existence, my _soul mate,_ was dead and forever gone to me. I would not, _could _not, live like that again.

Steeling myself, I made the decision that I would stand with Bella if I could not reach her before she was spotted. I knew I would not probably last more than about two seconds against the hundreds of vampires before me, but I refused to live without her and if she were to die in battle I would want to die right beside her.

I hoped it wouldn't come to that, I hoped I would have the chance to explain everything to Bella – my reasons for leaving, how much I loved and love her, how much I can't possibly live without her – that I would have the chance to spend eternity with my love, but as I saw a very familiar figure seem materialize out of nowhere into the field before me, I knew I had no choice. A flash of lightening showed Bella's face set and covered with determination. She eyed the troops with almost amused eyes before wiggling her fingers slightly and pursing her lips. She was ready for battle.

As I started to move forward a wide eyed Alice stepped in front of me. I thought she meant to ward me away from my certain demise and was right, but for different reasons. Her eyes stayed wide as she spoke quietly. "_Look._"

And I did.

_My family and I were standing around a ridiculously large bonfire. We were all smiling to one another, radiating absolute happiness. Looking closer, one could see various vampire body parts lying around that my family and I were still collecting. There was no sign of the massive army in front of us besides their ashes and lose appendages, and we were happy, all of us._

I stared back at Alice, awed into speechlessness. I knew Bella was powerful, but was she really _that_ powerful? Strong enough to wipe out several hundred vampires that planned to simultaneously attacked her? The memory of Demetri and Felix flying away from Bella before they had even touched her flashed through my mind. Yes, my Bella, my sweet special Bella would be the only vampire I would believe that about.

I smiled as I sunk to the ground. All strength seemed to have left my legs at the strong sense of relief I felt. I knew Alice could not see the exact result of the battle, because she could not see Bella, but she _could_ see us after the battle, and if I was that happy then Bella was alive and well.

The rest of my family – save Alice – rushed forward to me, murmuring words of comfort, believing that I was mourning for the love I would surely lose. I smiled at them and shook my head, amusement running through my system. They all looked to Alice, questioning my sanity in their thoughts and hoping she would be able to enlighten them upon the reason for my mood shift.

Alice had only managed to tell them that Bella would in fact win this battle before a loud crash resounded. My eyes snapped to the field, willing myself to remain calm and not distract Bella from her fight, but nothing had happened there. I was momentarily confused before Alice spoke.

"Of course. She chose to fight during a storm. What a smart girl." The pride and adoration was obvious in her face and voice. It appeared Bella had chosen this location and time for a reason. Looking at the sky confirmed that a massive thunderstorm was just beginning.

I looked back to the field before us just in time to watch my lovely Bella walk – human paced – closer to the waiting army. Her eyes flicked over the mass of vampires before a cocky smirk spread across her face. It only took one word for all hell to break loose.

"Come."


	12. Cleaning Up

**A/N:** Here be the next chapter! YAY! I'm on a roll!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**LAST CHAPTER:**

_It only took one word for all hell to break loose._

_"Come."_

**Chapter Twelve: Cleaning Up**

**EPOV**

Her voice reverberated throughout the area for a moment before being overshadowed by the crashing of marble bodies against each other. My family and I watched, completely mesmerized, as Bella worked her way through the sea of bodies.

It almost appeared as though she was invincible. From where I was I could see that there were no scratches or tears across either her or her clothing. It seemed an impossible feat, considering she had at least five vampires attacking her at each moment. It almost seemed as though their hands just slipped past her, like she was too smooth to grab a hold of. Unfortunately for the other vampires, it also appeared that whenever one would make their way within reach of Bella's hands, she would immediately tear of their head, followed almost instantly by their arms and legs. She did not pause once and her facial expression did not waver in the slightest. It almost seemed like she did not quite realized or did not care that she was tearing living creatures to pieces.

The fact that she did not make any sort of hesitation scared me slightly. But only slightly. I did not truly know what kind of life she had had to lead the past seventy plus years and so I could not judge her too quickly, but I also knew that this was not my sweet innocent Bella anymore. Time and experience had calloused her; I would just have to hope it had not done the same to her heart.

The fight did not last long. Probably a good ten minutes or so, but not long. Bella's expression seemed almost disappointed as she collected body parts to burn. The army had set up a fire before she had ever arrived, sure it would be their victory, but instead Bella was able to use it.

She seemed so lost in thought that she did not notice our approach.

"Bella."

Her head snapped up to look at Alice, her eyes going wide. Bella looked around almost frantically at the half circle my family had made. We didn't want to box her in but we also wanted to have less of a chance of her getting away once again. She seemed to recognize the fact that she would not have an easy escape because her shoulders slumped in resignation.

"Alice. What are you doing her?"

No matter how hard I stared, it appeared that Bella was oblivious to my gaze. Although hurt by her determined indifference, I continued to look at her, feeling my eyes smolder. I hoped that she had not changed so much that my attempts to dazzle her would fail should she actually turn to meet my gaze.

"We came looking for you. We thought it would take forever, or at least a few years, like it always took for the Volturi, but then you called for a big fight and we were able to see you." Alice laughed nervously. She didn't _know_ what kind of thing would set Bella off and was afraid to have her run away again.

Bella laughed briefly. It was a hollow, sad sound and my heart hurt to hear it. "Yes, I guess I did make a bit of a spectacle of myself. But _why_ are you here?"

"We love you Bella." Bella's face seemed to tighten slightly at Alice's statement, so she hurried to say something more. "We've missed you. When you left suddenly we were shocked. We were so happy to see you again and see that you were okay. Well, not exactly okay, but that you weren't completely dead and gone. You know, I was just so happy to see you. And then you ran off and we had no idea where you went. The only advice the Volturi could give was to head south and hope you decided to make yourself known somehow. Which you did. And we were so happy because it meant we would be able to see you again. And we have. Here you are!" Alice stopped her rambling when Jasper put a hand on her should.

Bella's face stayed tight throughout Alice's words but as soon as she was finished Bella shook her head a small smile playing across her lips. She looked at Alice again, her eyes sad. "No, really Alice. _Why_ are you here? Did you feel sorry for me when you heard I would have to stand against hundreds? Or did you just want to see for yourself that sweet innocent Bella could actually massacre a horde of vampires?"

Alice seemed genuinely surprised at Bella's question, as was I and the rest of my family. She didn't believe that we actually cared about her. Thinking back to the last moments I had spent with her I briefly understood why. I stepped forward, releasing Alice from the burden of explanation.

"Bella." Immediately her eyes snapped up to meet mine. I hoped the look on my face was reassuring, that it showed my sincerity. "She spoke the truth before Bella. We care about you, we needed to find you. We would love nothing more than for you to come with us, to be a part of our family like you were before, when you were human." Bella's coal eyes seemed to darken slightly at the end of my statement so I hurried forward.

"We _were_ surprised when you ran. I tried to catch you, and then to track you when I couldn't, but you were too fast, too smart." A slight adoring and prideful smile slipped onto my face. "We were worried you would get hurt. We were worried about _you_. We love you, all of us."

Bella scoffed slightly, but her hard gaze had softened slightly upon looking at my face. I could tell she _wanted_ to believe me, but it was difficult. Then something I never expected to see happened.

After throwing the limbs she had been holding in the fire, probably just to have a reason to look away from me, Bella swayed noticeably and sank to the ground, like she had fainted.

"Bella?!" Six other voices joined mine. I leapt forward to try and scoop her up into my arms but I couldn't actually grab onto her. It was like there was something smooth and impenetrable between my arms and Bella's body. She almost seemed to be floating slightly above where I could feel something solid. Everyone gasped slightly at the appearance.

Esme was first to recover, going immediately into concerned mother mode.

"Bella dear, what's wrong? What happened?" Her voice was thick with concern.

"I…I don't know. I just felt…weak all of a sudden. Oh!" She said as she sat up. Bella quickly scooted out of my hold and back onto the ground, the feeling of loss was immediate. My heart sunk until she began to speak again. "I think I'm thirsty. I haven't hunted in so long, I think it finally caught up to me." She smiled a very small sheepish smile.

Emmett immediately sprang into action, saying he would bring her something nice and large. Bella stared after his retreating figure with an expression of disbelief on her face. I leaned in close so my mouth was almost touching her ear.

"We all care about you Bella." She visibly jumped at my close proximity, glancing at me before turning to look at the rest of my family. Bella's eyes were wide and trusting, almost begging us to tell her it was true even if we were lying. She wanted to be cared for so badly it crushed my heart.

Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, and even Rosalie beamed at her. They all held genuine warm expressions on their faces, I was a little surprised at Rosalie, but from her line of thoughts I realized that she had never had anything against Bella personally, it had only been the fact that Bella had seemed to have no interest in all of the things Rosalie had wanted from human life. Now that Bella had been turned into a vampire against her will and was so alone in the world, she had taken to her quite nicely. Bella looked hesitant as she smiled back, seeming more and more like the shy Bella she once was. My heart soared at the sight.

"When was the last time you went hunting Bella?" Carlisle bent down next to her, concerned.

Her face screwed up slightly, obviously trying to remember. "I don't know. A few weeks? It was before I ran into you all." Carlisle's eyes widened to the point I was slightly afraid they would part company with his head.

"How long before?" I knew the reason he was concerned. She had run away from me a week before and we usually had to hunt once every two weeks or so, and that was without strenuous activity – such as fighting, which she had been doing almost constantly for the past week.

"Um…two weeks maybe? I was thirsty when I ran into you." She laughed nervously.

Carlisle seemed to have been rendered speechless, only being able to blink quite rapidly, so Jasper took over. "How…how…_how_ were you able to pass through human towns like that? Hell, how were you able to _move_ like that, let alone fight?" He seemed completely baffled.

"I don't know. I just did. I wasn't concentrated on my thirst." She looked away and added in a mumble, "I was concentrated on other things."

This perked my interest. "What things?"

Bella looked back at my face, her eyebrows raised slightly and a look of surprise quite obvious. She quickly looked away again, back at the ground. I wished for probably the millionth time that I could read her mind. "Other things. This for example." She gestured to the enormous bonfire that was raging to her right. "Which reminds me…could you…do you think…that you could help me with gathering the…um, pieces?" She looked hesitant and uncomfortable.

"Of course, Bella." Carlisle stood swiftly, returning to his composed authoritative mode.

The rest of my family quickly gathered the numerous body parts and placed them in the fire while Bella watched. I couldn't help but gaze at her, relishing in the fact that she was there, with me and not running away. Though she wasn't exactly looking at me either.

Emmett arrived back just after the family had finished "cleaning up". He was carrying a large buck and decent sized doe over his head. A grin was plastered on his face, letting everyone know that he was pleased with himself for finding the animals and returning so quickly.

The animals were, surprisingly, still alive, and, unsurprisingly, completely terrified. Bella's face scrunched up slightly, pitying the animals. She stood with strength I didn't think she possessed, swiftly breaking both animals necks. Even after massacring hundreds of vampires, Bella cringed at the thought of the two deer suffering. I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face.

Each of my family members, including myself, watched the deer hungrily. I found it amazing – as did the rest of my family – that Bella could remain so controlled when the thirst must have been raging inside of her.

"Drink, please Bella." Carlisle's voice had a hint of worry. He wanted to make sure she was alright and returned to full strength. She smiled in his direction before draining the animals rapidly. Bella threw the carcasses into the fire before turning back towards my, _our,_ family. Her eyes now a warm honey color. I couldn't help but admire how the color brought out the lighter highlights in her hair.

Alice pranced over to Bella, barely containing her excitement. "Will you come with us Bella?" Upon seeing the wary expression on Bella's face, Alice continued. "You don't have to stay permanently. At least, you don't have to decide now. You could just come, and see how you feel about being there. Please?" She turned the full force of her puppy dog eyes on Bella.

The expression on Bella's face immediately softened as she caved to Alice's devices. "Alright," she said in a soft voice. Alice squealed in joy, no longer containing herself as she hopped over to Carlisle.

"Can we leave now? Can we go home? Which home?" She seemed too excited for her own good but the rest of my family couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea."

...

**A/N:** Okay, don't hate me too much about the whole battle thing. The next chapter is going to be in Bella's POV for the fight, so it's more detailed. Edward was concentrating on his relief rather than what she was actually doing...so yeah...don't lynch me. :)


	13. Disbelief

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Thirteen: Disbelief**

**BPOV**

As I stood eyeing the troops before me, I got the feeling this would be easier than expected. I pursed my lips slightly – it was an angry pout – knowing that my enemy was overconfident and that would work against them. This fight would be easier than some of the smaller ones I had had previously.

I looked at their numbers once more, wiggling my fingers in a perverse sense of excitement. The armies seemed to be waiting for me lead, so I walked – agonizingly slowly – further into the field and closer to them. A smirk formed on my face, knowing it would antagonize the group even further.

They had still not moved, so I stepped my cockiness level up one more. I commanded them to attack.

And they did.

It was wonderfully exhilarating to charge into the massive swarm of vampires. They all were trying to bite, scratch, and grab me at once, but all of their attacks only glanced off my shield. The familiar tingling sensation told me some of the vampires still standing where they were before were trying to use their gifts on me. My smirk grew as I continued to dismember each body that my hand grabbed.

I knew they were people, they moved, they spoke, they thought. But they also killed and without mercy. I couldn't help but lack remorse for ridding the world of them, knowing I was making the South safer without them.

I almost stopped mid stride when one of the vampires in front of me froze. Apparently one of the vampires in the line had the power to immobilize others and after they attempted to use it on me, I accidentally had used it on that vampire. I tore him into pieces, processing the information while my body remained in motion.

By the time I reached the end of the field, with a mass of vampire body parts behind me, the leaders of the armies were standing to fight. They had obviously not expected they would have to do so and it did not take long to finish my task.

The combination army, it appeared, had done me the favor of starting a bonfire. Presumably they had believed it was for _my_ body, but I put it to use, collecting pieces of marble skinned vampires to set them ablaze.

I had been right about the other side's overconfidence and how easy I was able to defeat them, but that did not help my mood. If an army of three hundred plus vampires could not find a way to defeat me how was I ever going to die? Would I really have to lie down and beg another to tear me to shreds and burn the remains? I had hoped I wouldn't have to stoop to that level of defeat, but it was looking like I would have to if I wanted an escape.

So caught up in my own thoughts, I was absolutely shocked when I heard my name. I snapped my eyes up, taking in Alice's petite frame, ahead of the rest of her family. I was so stunned that they were there let alone the fact they had managed to sneak up on me that I almost dropped the appendages I had been holding.

Keeping my grip on them I glanced around at the Cullen family. They had formed a sort of semi-circle around me. Not quite cornering me, but close enough. It was obvious they wanted _something_ from me so I bit back the panic inside that was telling me to run away – quickly.

"Alice. What are you doing here?" I knew I probably sounded cold, like I didn't want them there, but I really didn't. Why would anyone want the family they had once believed was theirs, who then told the person they didn't care about them to stand there watching during one of their most awkward moments: cleaning up after a massive massacre.

I could feel every set of eyes boring into me, especially the set slightly to my right, knowing it was _his_. But I kept my eyes trained on Alice, knowing I would either crumble into pieces by looking at his eyes or lash out, and I didn't want to hurt him or his family. I only kept a hold of the anger to dull the pain.

Alice told me that they had been looking for me. That the Volturi had given them tips on how to find me. I laughed humorlessly, wondering whether the Cullens had become cruel creatures since I had known them, inflicting this form of torture on me, or if they had always been like that. She continued her rambling to tell me that they cared for me, were worried about me, _loved_ me. It was all I could do not to break down and start bawling at her words. I knew my face would appear cold, but I didn't care, it was the only way I knew to keep in the pain: to completely shut down my emotions.

I wanted to believe her. I really did, but I just couldn't. _He_ had told me before he left that he didn't love me anymore and I would never see neither him nor his family again. That's not something you just do to someone you care about, if they really had cared about me then they would have at least said good bye.

I almost laughed at myself for my weakness, knowing that if I didn't have the little strength I did, I would have collapsed into her arms, like nothing had ever happened since the last time I had seen her. But I did have that small amount of strength and I refused to delude myself into believing their pity was anything more than that, pity.

I voiced my disbelief, hoping that if I showed them I was no longer the sweet, innocent, gullible Bella they would just give me the truth and be done with it. To my great surprise _he_ spoke. The moment he said my name, my eyes snapped to his face. It was filled with hope and sincerity, something I wasn't completely sure I could trust, I had seen that face a thousand times before and it wasn't long after that he told me he no longer loved me. At that thought I squashed all the remnants of overwhelming love that were swelling inside me, replacing them with anger and disbelief. I refused to take anything "heat felt" for truth.

And that's exactly what he plunged into, a heart felt speech about how his family loved me and wanted me to join them, be a part of them like I was when I was human. My anger increased exponentially at that statement. Like I had been when I was human? They wanted me to come live with them so I could be an amusing pet to them? I had to resist the urge to use one of my many gifts upon the man I once thought I would spend the rest of my existence with.

He seemed to have seen his mistake in his words, or at least the flash of anger in my eyes because he hurried to subtly change the subject. He rambled about when I ran from them, how he had attempted to catch and find me. I almost snorted at that, amused that he thought _he _would be able to find me when the best tracker in the Volturi guard could not. But I held it in, letting him continue speaking.

I couldn't help but scoff when he had finished though. He told me that they were worried I would get hurt. Me! Get hurt! They had seen the ease with which I had disposed of the Volturi guard and yet they actually expected me to believe that sad excuse? My scoff was probably louder than I had meant it to be from the fact that he also said that they loved me, all of them. How could I ever possibly believe that when he had specifically told me that he didn't love me, and when his family had cared enough to leave without explanation or a word of goodbye?

I wanted so badly to believe him though. The sincerity in his voice and eyes were telling me he only spoke the truth, but at the same time I didn't want to believe. I wanted to trust my logic and anger and have these vampires that seemed bent on torturing me just leave me be.

Feeling my resolve waver slightly at the expression on his face, I looked away to the fire where I threw the body parts that were still in my arms. The sudden change of weight gave me the oddest feeling, almost as though I was dizzy. But I hadn't been dizzy in years, not since I was a weak human. How could a vampire be dizzy?

One of my questions was answered when I heard a soft thump and seven voices calling my name. It took me a moment to realize I had collapsed onto the ground, I couldn't really feel the impact.

Esme's motherly tones invaded my curious musings to ask if I was alright, to ask me what had happened. But I didn't know what had happened, I was just suddenly dizzy and weak and then I collapsed. As I voiced my answer I realized I was no longer on the ground, but cradled in Edward's arms – at least as best as he could with my physical shield still remaining in the way. I quickly scooted out of his grip back to the ground, not wanting anything that would hurt me too much later, though I knew that that moment would probably kill me all over again when I was alone again.

As I looked at Esme's dark eyes I realized what the problem probably was. I hadn't gone hunting in such a long time, and with the amount of fighting I had been doing, I had probably over done it.

I was absolutely shocked when Emmett eagerly volunteered to fetch me some much needed nourishment. I watched him leave, wondering why the family didn't just laugh at my predicament and leave. Even if they pitied me, going out of their way to help me was just too much. I felt my love for the Cullens overshadowing my doubt. I wanted to believe them so much, especially when _he_ said they cared about me. I could almost hear my heart flutter at such a statement but quickly squashed any meaning my poor broken heart might take from it besides platonic.

I looked to the rest of the Cullen family, begging to either be confirmed that was in fact the truth or have my daydream quickly snatched from me so it would cause no more pain. They were all smiling down at me with genuine love and warmth on their faces, confirming the truth of his words. I was more than a little shocked that Rosalie was included in the group, but I had never really understood her in the first place.

I suddenly felt very aware of the fact that I had six vampires staring at me intently. For the first time since I had been changed I felt like a blush would have been rising in my cheeks had I the blood to produce one.

Carlisle, being the fatherly figure/doctor, knelt down beside me to ask about my thirst, and how I could have let it gotten so bad that I collapsed in weakness. I was a little surprised when he looked so shocked and concerned about my confession of not having hunted in probably a good three weeks. He seemed speechless, a first in my memories of Carlisle.

The rest of the Cullens seemed just as surprised but Jasper was able to ask the one question I didn't particularly want to answer. They were wondering how I could have possibly caused such a massacre while in a state of raging thirst but I avoided the subject with a general statement. I didn't want to alert the Cullens of my brief lapse into insanity during my last week.

I quickly asked for their help in "cleaning up" to distract them from the fact I had not actually answered their question. It worked amazingly well. Before any of them could think through the fact that I had effectively deflected Jasper's question Emmett returned with two deer.

I instantly felt the monster raging through my mind, demanding I instantly drain the deer. I almost chuckled at the fact that when the monster had been in control of my body, it had had no thoughts about hunting, but now when I had it trapped back in its cage it demanded I fulfill its need.

Seeing that the deer were petrified at being caught and carried away by an obvious predator, I immediately sympathized with them. Wanting to end their emotional suffering and prevent any physical suffering, I snapped their necks, killing them instantly. I always felt remorseful killing animals, it was better than humans but I still wished to find a way to survive without having to kill _anything_.

At Carlisle's urging, I remembered that I was supposed to be using the deer I had just killed for my nourishment. I quickly drained them and then added them to the blaze.

As I turned back to the Cullens they were all regarding me with warm smiles, but no one seemed as excited as Alice. She bounded forward and asked something I feared. She asked me to come with them.

It was something I wanted more than anything, to be accepting into their family, to live with them and be loved by them. But could I really do that? Especially after seeing me kill without flinching, could they really accept me? When Alice sent the full force of her pleading face my way I decided I didn't care. Knowing they couldn't love me would be better than never knowing if it could have worked.

...

**A/N:** I'm sorry for those that are going "WTF?! The story didn't progress at all!" But I felt that we needed to know what Bella was going through. I'm also sorry to those that wanted all the gory details regarding the fight, but I just didn't think "she popped his head off following his legs and arms" over and over for three hundred of so times would make for an interesting chapter...:)


	14. Lashing Out

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Fourteen: Lashing Out**

**BPOV**

It didn't take us long to travel back to their home. It was the same one I had come across them in before, so a tour of the house was unnecessary.

Both Esme and Alice were thrilled beyond words at the prospect of being able to redecorate one of the rooms, even if it was a possibility that I wasn't staying permanently. They were kind enough to let me have a say as well.

One of the first things I had been asked about – as expected – was my change. I had told them that whoever it was had not meant it to make me happy when I was Marie, but they wanted more details. I eliminated all questions by simply stating the name Victoria. It was quite amusing to see Carlisle's face form a very obvious 'o', but I made sure the subject was closed.

They tried to ask me more questions about my life as a vampire, but they had heard the most important details. I didn't need to inform them that my life had held absolutely no joy for me.

It wasn't until my second day living with them that I made one of my greatest mistakes. I was using the shower, enjoying warmth of the water. Alice had set out clothes for me, but when I went to dress in them I saw a problem.

Victoria had attempted to torture me during my change. She bit me up and down my arms, leaving an – quite surprisingly – aesthetically pleasing pattern of scars from the venom. The shirt Alice had provided for me was short-sleeved and I was by no means prepared to go into the specifics of my change with any of the Cullens quite yet.

I sighed, putting on the outfit anyways, knowing I could simply change into something that covered better. As I searched my new room for a sweater or anything that would cover my arms, I felt a presence behind me.

Spinning around, I was shocked to see that Alice, the bouncing hyper-active vampire, had managed to sneak up on me. She was eyeing my curiously, obviously slightly offended I was searching for something besides what she had left out for me. Unfortunately I had yet to find anything to cover my arms – Alice had apparently not believed I needed anything long-sleeved – and Alice's eyes were quick.

"Wha—Bella? What's on your….? JASPER!"

My eyes went wide, wondering why on earth she would call for her husband. I stood stalk still, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights as I saw Jasper come to stand next to his wife.

Out of the corner of my eye I miraculously saw something resembling a sleeve. I snatched the article of clothing and pulled on the sweater, hoping that I would be able to deflect questions. One look at Jasper's face told me there was going to be no chance of that and that he knew exactly what those scars were.

"Bella…" Jaspers voice was calm and composed while both his and Alice's eyes were wide. "How did you get those scars?"

My mind scrambled for an explanation and I tried the best thing that might make sense. "You know how many fights I've been in." I hoped desperately they would forget the fact that they had witness one of my fights and knew I had come out of it unscathed. I was not that lucky though.

"But you have your barrier, no one can even touch you in a fight. How did you get those scars Bella?"

I cursed myself for allowing Alice to pick out my outfit, for not closing my door, and for stupid vampire super-observational ability. Straightening up to my full height, I prayed they would let this drop.

"I already told you my change was not pleasant." If possible they're eyes seemed to grow in size. Obviously this had not been the answer they had been expecting, who would?

"You…mean…Victoria?" Alice couldn't even form the sentence in her state of horror.

"Yes, Victoria. Now drop it will you? I would prefer not to have to discuss it." I pushed past their still forms in the doorway. Not stopping until I was running through the forest. I needed to clear my head and think about exactly how much I wanted this family to know.

I cared about them deeply, loved each and every one of them, but I didn't know if I could live with them forever. Live in the same house with Edward, knowing I could never have him? I sighed heavily, stopping to sit on a fallen tree.

Edward and I had not spoken since my arrival. He had locked himself in his room and I didn't know the reason. After my battle he had said they all cared about me and wanted me there, but if he just locked himself alone in his room, I didn't believe it.

I iced my heart, readying myself for my next move. If my presence was not allowing the Cullens to be a family, then I would remove myself. I'm sure everything would not be so awkward if I had never run into them, but I had. And now I would fix that myself.

I stood, my decision made, and headed back to the house.

**EPOV**

I knew I was being childish, avoiding Bella, but I didn't know what to say to her. How could I explain to her that I needed her with all of my being, when I had already told her I didn't?

Just having her in the house, being able to hear her voice made me feel less empty, more like I had been before.

I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I didn't know the frantic thoughts that were flying around the house until I heard my angel's voice.

"I would like to talk to all of you." She called out to the full house.

I stayed in my room, knowing if I went to be in the same room with her, I probably wouldn't be able to resist the urge to hold her, and if she rejected me, I would be devastated.

_What's going on…she hasn't really talked to us since she got here; is there something wrong?_ Esme was, of course, concerned for Bella.

_Oh I hope this isn't about earlier, I didn't mean to. Oh Bella, you really had to go through that didn't you? _Alice's thoughts didn't make much sense, but paired with Jasper's made me shoot up from my reclined position.

_All those scars…how could Victoria be such a sadist? Poor Bella._ Jasper's thoughts were accompanied by an image of Bella's bare arm. A growl formed in my chest, putting the thoughts and insinuations together, only to be cut off by Bella's next words.

"I'm leaving."

One thought was collectively spoken by six minds. _What? _I could see Bella through their minds, her face held a sad smile as she shook her head slightly.

"My being here isn't helping your family at all, it's only hurting it. Nothing will be the same as it was and it would probably just be better if I wasn't here."

"Oh, Bella. If this is about earlier-" But Bella cut Alice off.

"No, it isn't." Her words were slightly harsh, indicating she did _not_ wish to speak about whatever "earlier" involved. "It's just different. I mean, I've already managed to scare one of your family members away." She gestured to where I sat two floors above.

"I would have left earlier, without saying anything. But I figured I should at least say goodbye and make sure you understand. I don't need you trying to go around and find me again." That sad smile was back on her face as my family stood speechless, not knowing what to say.

I panicked. She was leaving because of me? Because I locked myself in my room? What was she thinking? How could she think that was her fault? I bolted through my door, down the stairs and landed next to my angel.

"Bella…" My voice was soft, full of love. She seemed slightly startled by my sudden appearance that nullified her reasons for leaving. "Please don't leave." I tried hard to keep it from sounding like I was begging, but I don't think I succeeded very well.

She blinked at me a few times as my family discretely sauntered out of the room. "Why?" Her voice was soft.

"Because I'm an idiot Bella. A selfish idiot."

_Damn right._ I ignored the thoughts of several of my family members, continuing my pleading. "I lied to you Bella. Before your change. I told you I didn't love you, that I didn't want you, but that can't be farther from the truth. I _need_ you Bella. I need you to feel whole, to feel like there's a reason to my existence. I love you so much."

She hadn't spoken a word or moved a centimeter. Bella seemed almost frozen in thought about my words. I could only hope that she still loved me and was able to forgive me for what I had done.

**BPOV**

I had avoided them for decades, and one day, one mistake had led me to them. Another mistake had soon led them back to me. I no longer hurt like I did, but that didn't mean I didn't hurt.

Edward finally spoke to me. He had said he loved me, that he always loved me. I didn't understand it; it didn't make sense for him to have left then. The anger that I had used to cover my pain increased tenfold.

I was furious, but could only voice a whisper. "Why? Then why did you leave?" Even to my ears my voice was weak and pained.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, taking away the danger I had always placed you in by taking away my presence." Edward's voice sounded tortured, but I was still angry.

"Well that obviously didn't work." My own icy tone appeared to cut him physically.

"I just wanted you to live a normal life, the one you would have had, had you never met me." His pain was clear in his eyes.

"But I did meet you Edward." I replaced the pain of saying his name with anger. "Did you ever think about what _I_ wanted?" My eyes flashed, threateningly. "Did you ever think that maybe you don't know everything Edward? That maybe what you kept choosing for me only hurt me?"

"I thought what I was doing was right. That you would forget me…move on." He seemed almost to be pleading, convincing himself more than me.

"Humans and Vampires may differ in a lot of ways, but their memories aren't all that different. Human memories may in fact fade with time, but do you really believe that after having already met you, I'd ever be able to forget you or the love I had for you?! That I'd ever be able to _stop_ loving you? Did you think about what you would be leaving behind? I was an empty shell because you took my heart with you."

My eyes, that had momentarily softened, hardened once again. "No. Of course you would only think about what _you_ wanted for me. I always knew you didn't quite trust me, I just never knew that you didn't believe I loved you. You're the mind reader with an empath to tell you my every emotion, but I guess that wasn't enough. I was never enough." My voice softened at the last part, voicing the thought that I had been always been so sure of but had always caused me the most amount of pain. I shook my head in disgust, trying to keep my eyes that were filled with the same pain I had inflicted on Edward, from him. I kept my gaze away from his tortured expression, already regretting my outburst.

"I'm sorry. I'll go." I turned to leave, but Edward immediately moved, grabbing me from behind and hugging me tightly to his chest.

"Please don't. I've spent so long without you…you don't know what it was like. Living, thinking you were gone." His voice sounded pained.

The guilt I felt for yelling at Edward that kept my rage in check was immediately gone. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Alice, who I knew was hiding close, on the other side of the door.

_He didn't just say that, did he? Oh, no. Wrong thing to say Eddie-boy_. I put up my physical barrier between us, and immediately made it larger, sending him staggering back a foot or so.

I whirled on him, my eyes flashing and my gaze murderous. "I don't know what it's like? _I don't know what it's like_?! No, you're right. I don't know what it's like thinking you were dead and gone. What I do know is what it's like knowing that I _could_ be with you, _forever_, but there's that one little problem of the fact that you didn't _want _me! So you're right, I don't know what it was like not being able to be with you, I know what is was like knowing you just didn't want me." My voice sounded slightly hysterical, but I was beyond caring.

Edward looked shocked beyond words. I knew I had never yelled at him; hell, I had never even truly been angry with him, but his self-centered comment caused my thread of patience to snap.

...

**A/N:** Sorry if it seemed like I kind skimmed over her first day or so with the Cullens, it's just I didn't really think it held any real importance. For those that have been rooting for Bella to not bend over backwords and give into Edward as soon as he said "I love you!" I totally agree and don't worry...there's more (evil grin). I hope you enjoyed and the next chapter should be up soon. Cudos to myself for having posted the last FOUR chapters in the past FOUR days...that's right, one chapter each day. I'm too sexy...you know, like that song...Catwalk, by Right Said Fred... "I'm too sexy for this...blah blah" yeah...ANYWAY!! Go me!


	15. Yelling and Crying

**A/N:** Here's my next chapter...and I need to warn you, the next one might take another day or two...so if it doesn't come out tomorrow, don't hurt me. 'Cause I feel kinda bad, I've been ignoring some of my other stories 'cause I was just on a roll with this one, and I didn't want to lose it, but now I think I really need to get my butt moving with them too. It's a long weekend, so hopefully I'll be able to do those and this one too! Anyways...as for this chapter, there are some lines that are in all caps, that's 'cause she's yelling...really loud. So yeah, I'm sorry if it's a little awkward to read. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Fifteen: Yelling and Crying**

**BPOV**

I had spent over 70 years believing the only person I had ever loved had never loved me back. Over 70 years believing my existence was meaningless, that no one truly cared for me. Then, all of a sudden, he tells me he was lying. That he left to _protect_ me. That all he had wanted was to keep me _safe_.

It was almost the same exact situation, but in reverse. I almost laughed at the irony and hopelessness of the situation. He once told me that he didn't love me, that everything he had said before was a lie. Now he was telling me that _that_ was a lie and he had loved me all along.

What was I to believe? How was I to react? Could I really just accept that he in fact loved me then, just as he loved me _now_? Was it really that easy? No, it wasn't. My heart couldn't take the chance of it being a lie.

I did the only thing I could in that sort of situation and that was to act on instinct. That instinct, as unfortunate as it was for Edward, was anger. Anger at his reasoning, anger at his lies, anger at all the times he had ever hid something from me in order to _protect_ me, and most of all, anger at his _audacity_ to decide what was best for me.

I glared at his stunned face. Edward seemed to have been rendered speechless, by his own faulty words or by my reaction to them, I did not know. I knew in other situations I would have felt guilty for yelling at him, or would not have been able to at all, but at that moment, with all the pain and pent-up frustration at my pure existence, I did not care one bit. I let him have it.

"YOU ARE WORSE THAN ROSALIE!"

I heard a faint "hey" from somewhere in the house – a half-hearted attempt from said person to defend herself.

"I'M SORRY." I snarled in her general direction. "BUT YOU'RE TERRIBLY SELF-CENTERED AND WE ALL KNOW IT, INCLUDING YOURSELF." I turned my murderous gaze back to its rightful owner: Edward.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SO FOCUSED ON YOURSELF! HOW CAN ONE PERSON BELIEVE THAT THEY KNOW EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING THAT IS RIGHT FOR SOMEONE ELSE?! YES YOU CAN HEAR THOUGHTS! CONGRATULATIONS! THAT DOES _NOT_ MAKE YOU GOD! WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE WHAT IS RIGHT FOR ME?! WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR MY SAFETY?!

"DID YOU EVER EVEN THINK THAT MAYBE YOU LEAVING ME ALONE AND DEFENSELESS WOULDN'T BE BEST FOR MY SAFETY? THAT AFTER I HAD ARRIVED AT FORKS I HAD NEARLY _DIED_ AT LEAST FIVE TIMES AND THAT BY JUST REMOVING YOU FROM THE MIX WOULDN'T FIX HOW HORRIBLY CLUMSY I AM OR HOW PRONE TO DANGER I AM?! DID YOU THINK OF THAT?!

"Stepping away from my safety. DID YOU THINK ABOUT MY HAPPINESS?! DID YOU EVER THINK THAT WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME MIGHT POSSIBLY BE THE THING THAT MADE ME HAPPY RATHER THAN WHAT MADE ME COMPLETELY SAFE?! HOW SAFE CAN AN UTTERLY EMOTIONLESS PERSON BE?! OR A SEVERELY DEPRESSED PERSON?

"I _LOVED_ YOU! YOU WERE MY _LIFE_! YOU WERE THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME HAPPY. AND THEN YOU JUST TORE IT ALL AWAY, NOT EVEN LEAVING ME WITH MEMORIES I COULD TREASURE. No…they only caused pain."

My voice was hoarse from my yelling. I knew it was unnecessary, especially since the person my rant was directed to was a vampire with super hearing capabilities, but in my state of mind I did not care who heard me and I hoped Edward felt the full brunt of my fury.

"Happiness does not always come hand in hand with safety Edward. In fact a lot of times happiness has nothing to do with protecting yourself. Especially if that happiness comes from love, because by being in love you have to put yourself out there, fully exposed, to someone else and there's always risks in that. I definitely learned that." If possible, the expression on Edward's face became even more pained. I looked at him, feeling my anger beginning to melt.

Quickly thinking of my next words, I opened my mouth to speak again, then just as swiftly closed it. I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't rant and rave at the man I loved, only causing him pain. I needed to go somewhere, away, to think.

Turning on my heel, I sped out of the house. I ran out the door quickly, hoping the outrun the pain that was threatening to close in on me. Not long after leaving I jumped into the trees, springing from one top to another almost as quickly as I could run.

When I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer I stopped, holding the tree like a life line, as I sobbed my non-beating heart out.

**EPOV**

I was stunned.

I knew everything in the whole situation was my fault. I knew that if I had never left Bella she would not be condemned to this life, or at least if she was, she would be with me. But I had never quite realized how much pain I had inflicted on my dear angel. How much I had put her through by leaving.

I think maybe deep down in my heart and in the very farthest corner of my mind I had known it would have led to something like this. That she loved me just as much as I loved her and she could no longer live without me than I could without her. But that part of my mind or heart was not working when I made the decision to leave her, or when I thought back over it and told myself I had done the right thing.

Almost everything she said I had thought about after her supposed death. When I thought she was truly gone, I realized exactly what a horrible decision leaving her had been. She hadn't lived the long and happy human life she should have, she hadn't even lived a year after I had left. I had thought about how I should have just given into her demand, changed her like she wanted, no matter how selfish it would have been, and kept her with me for all of eternity.

But I hadn't.

Now I was paying the price for my errors. Bella pointed out exactly how stupid I had been and, as if that wasn't enough, I could hear the entirety of my family, some more than others, agreeing with her in thought.

When she finally stopped yelling, I thought I would have my chance. That I would be able to tell her just how much I had realized in the years since I had left that I had been wrong. That had I the choice to do it over again, I never would.

But right when I thought I could speak, she turned and left. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. Seeing that amount of pain on Bella, _my_ Bella's face, was like a metaphorical knife to my still heart.

Without a second thought I ran after her. I would give her space, and hope that she would at least talk to me, but I refused to lose her again.

She was so incredibly _fast_. Faster than me. It was all I could do to keep her in sight, trailing farther and farther behind, even though I was running my fastest. It was better when she leapt into the trees. They made her slightly slower, enough for me to catch up and keep up, and the rustling, no matter how little it was, told me exactly where she was.

Bella didn't keep it up for long. Coming to a sudden stop, she gripped onto the tree she had just jumped into and sobbed, heart-wrenching tearless sobs.

I let her be, not wanting to disturb. Especially not after what I had done, but I couldn't help the aching that was in my arms to just hold her, the want they had to console her in any way I could. But I wouldn't do that to her or myself, I was almost a hundred percent sure, she would just pull away and run again if I did anything like that anyway.

As her sobs quieted, Bella did something that stunned me, just as she always had as a human.

"What do you want Edward?" Her voice sounded choked and broken. She hadn't moved in the slightest from her position, clinging to the Evergreen.

I had thought I was being sneaky, almost completely silent and completely undetectable, even for another vampire, but I guess I had been wrong.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry. Everything you said was right. I was such an idiot, I am an idiot, I'll admit that here and now and any other day you want me to. Just please talk to me. Please let me see you." I spoke, looking up to where I could see her slight figure. Even after seeing the colossal amount of damage that little body could inflict, it still seemed fragile.

Once again, Bella surprised me. With an almost non-existent _thump_ Bella was standing about ten feet away. I wanted nothing more than to move towards her and sweep her into my arms, but I couldn't. I needed to speak with her before I could even think about her allowing me to touch her.

"Why Edward? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Her question pained me more than she would ever know. But I couldn't back down, not if there was the slightest chance I could have her back.

"I love you Bella. I love you more than anything else in this world, more than everything else combined. My existence is meaningless without you. I know I've made mistakes, I really, really do. I can't change them now, but I can try to fix them. Will you please let me try and fix them Bella? Will you let me try to love you?" I could hear the sincerity and desperation in my voice and could only hope that Bella took it in a good way.

Her eyes were so sad, so tired looking. I knew she was emotionally spent, just as I was, but I would continue to fight until I had my answer. Her voice shook when she spoke again, showing everything she was feeling clearly.

"I can try."

Using those words as permission, I launched myself at her just before she collapsed, catching and sweeping her up into my arms. I noted that her barrier was down. That I could feel her hard, but seemingly soft, skin against mine. I held her to me as she curled into the tightest fitting ball she could form, dry sobbing once again.

Holding her with one arm and rubbing her back with the other, I headed back to the house, in no hurry to end the moment of contact with my love.

...

**A/N:** Hope you all agree with me when I say, GO BELLA! BITCH HIM OUT! YEAH!! (cackles madly)


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